Pendrell:  Well, obviously, you've noticed a peculiar... lack.. of activity on my site, minna-san.  It began with a failed page
layout attempt and a less-than-ravishing bout of mediocre reviews.  It culminated in the fact that I AM A LAZY BUM.
Yes.  Yes, I am.  And I've done absolutely nothing to jack up the website or... or anything much at all!  HA! HA HAH!
Aw.
But I'm certainly not dead, anyway, well, not yet, and I might be able to just live with my horribly subterranean-level web
design skills.  You know, swallow the ol' pride and admit that Claris Home Page 3.0 is the limit of my domain thus far.
After all, there are still reviews to be riffed and balls to be bounced, boats to be floated, etcetera!  But I will tell you one thing:
   I AM ALSO VERY SLOW. My riff speed is approximately two riffs per week.  Honestly.  I've been 
filching small children and attempting to force them to write the reviews for me, to lighten the load, of course, but this method 
has proved itself too difficult, as chasing small children into the back of an unmarked van is rather tiring and requires about as 
much cunning as a one-line riff for 'Tenchi Muyo and Pot.'  I would much prefer to write a one-line riff instead of chasing a 
small child around a playground for an hour.  I have also suggested that other people review the stories themselves and 
send them in.  One lovely individual did so months and months ago, and being that I did not update while I was in the 
act of hibernating, her Fushigi Yuugi tribute was NEVER EVER shown!  Ehheh... *sweatdrop*  but, um, I am finally 
going to give her story a spotlight on the main page... if I ever get that goofy main page up.... -_-;;
I mean, I-- I had a full load of fanfiction to upload! 0_o;  I've got a bleeping christmas review still waiting for its debut.
This is ridiculous.  Now if there is an individual out there who'd like to stand behind me while I'm at the computer and
whip me repeatedly with multiple objects until I get the job done, heck, I'll pay you.  I've got five dollars and I'm not afraid 
to use it.  At this point, I'll even settle for a driveby brick-through-the-window with a note that says "review fanfics or else".  
Or if you have a clever contribution to the review, like ".... yeah." (courtesy of danbi.) you can chuck those in, too, in case 
I have a sudden brain fart and I can't operate under nominal review conditions.  Or I could actually.... put some effort into it.
*cough*
*silence*
   Steve:  Yeah, that might work.
Pendrell:  Ah.... yessss.  It just might. ^^;  Regardless, I am back, sort of, and I... I... am sorry for what I have done. *cowers in 
shame*
   Steve:  You son of a bitch!
Pendrell:  I deserve that.
   Steve:  Son of a monkey's uncle!
Pendrell:  That too.
   Steve:  Son of a used car salesman!
Pendrell:  Well, I'm not so sure about that.
   Steve:  Your mother was a hamster!  No, wait, your mother was Belgian!
Pendrell:  Now, my esteemed colleague, you are reaching.
   Steve:  ... you're a jerk?
Pendrell: .... okay.  I can live with that.  Nice work, elf.
   Steve:  Hee! >.<
Pendrell:  So... I won't desert you again.
   Steve:  You filthy liar.
Pendrell:  Hey.
   Steve:  I think I should see other mad scientists.
Pendrell: -_-
   Steve:  I like bananas.
Pendrell:  *walks away rather irate*
   Steve,evilly:  I win.  HA! HA HAH!!