<Pendrell> Hey!
<Yaten> Hi!
<Seiya> Wassaaaap!
<Pendrell beams a shoe onboard the SoL, where it promptly drops on Seiya's head.>
<Makoto> Hey, G.  Whatchoo want?
<Pendrell>  I come with the mad fanfiction-sending skills, brothah from anotha mothah.
<Shinji>  Nuts.  That's just not tight, man.
<Pendrell>  Just consider yourselves blessed that you don't have to read about the 
adventures of Tenchi and pot.  I'm saving that for a larger group.
<Kaworu>  Tenchi and pot?  Tell us more, oh fabulous master. ^^
<Pendrell>  Tenchi makes friends with Mister Gun.  Enough said.  Let's concentrate
on the matter at hand!
<Yaten>  Mister... Gun....?
<Pendrell>  Yes, REALLY good friends with Mister Gun, you understand.
<Yaten>  OH yes.  I understand, all right. >< Hee hee hee!
   
Warning this is a Lemon fanfic; 
   
<Seiya> ... aw damn!  Not another Tenchi lemon!
<Kaworu>  But we've never reviewed a Tenchi lemon before now.
<Seiya> Umm... we haven't?
<Kaworu>  No, we haven't.
<Seiya>  Look, give me a break, I'm getting old before my time.  The memory's not 
so good as it used to be.
<Makoto>  Yeah, it got permanently bungled after those last two chapters of Heretics..
<Seiya>  Here here!
   
which means that it is
adult oriented and has sexual content.  If you are under legal
age or easily offended by this kind of material, then please hit 
the back button on your browser.
   
<Makoto>  That'll probably just take them back to the lemon archive that brought 
them to this fic in the first place.  
<Yaten>  All the more malevolent, twisted and perverted fanfiction right at their 
fingertips, then.  It's a young hentai's dream come true.
<Kaworu>  Well, anything else on that site's got roughly the same amount of disgusting 
subject matter as this story, I guess, so it doesn't matter which one we read.
<Shinji>  Ah... you'd better take a look at the Gundam Wing section...
<Kaworu>  Tempting as that offer is, _no_ thanks. -_-
<Shinji>  No, seriously... those people have a major spanking fetish over there...
<Kaworu>  Okay, that's enough.  Thank you.
<Shinji>  But..
<Kaworu> _Thank you_, Shinji.  That's enough.  No more.
   
  This is also my first lemon
fanfic
   
<Yaten>  •author•  I'm thirteen and I'm starting to feel funny down there, if you know what I mean.
   
 and it's not that great and it may not make that much sense.
   
<Makoto> •author•  Just envision a pair of large breasts and you've pretty much got the idea.
   
NOTE: none of these characters are mine and are the property of 
somebody else.
   
<Shinji>  We are not at liberty to say who.  Now on with the wholesome porn.
   
Please send all comments or suggestions to: Mike_Forever@hotmail.com
   
<Kaworu>  Imagine that, an immortal diety experimenting with lemon fanfiction.  The 
consequences of this could be dire.
<Makoto, praying>  Our Father Mike who art in Heaven, please refrain from toying with our 
minds via Sasami lemons...
   
   
It was a quiet day at the carrot patch and Tenchi was hard at work
picking some carrots for lunch.
   
<Yaten, disgusted> Jeez, do these people's diets consist entirely of carrots? Do they 
just sit around during their off-screen time and eat carrots all day?
<Makoto> No, actually they spend their time having romping rounds of orgies all around the house.
<Kaworu> Do tell!
<Makoto> Mm-hmm. The absolute truth, I tell you.
   
  Sasami had nothing to do that day
so she decided to go help Tenchi.
   
<Yaten> •Ryoko• Sasamiiii! Make my breakfast!
<Shinji> •Nobuyuki• Sasamiii! Have you seen my dirty magazines around here anywhere?
<Makoto> •Ayeka• Sasamiiii! The house is on fire and Mihoshi's upset the fabric of space-time again!
<Kaworu> •Sasami• Sorry, can't help. Gotta go pull carrots with Tenchi nii-chan! 
   
  On her head sat Ryo-ohki who
miayed contentedly
   
<Kaworu> How does one 'miay'?
<Yaten> Oh, I do that all the time.
<Kaworu> DO you?
<Yaten> Uh... yeah. Watch. *sits*
<Kaworu> What? That's it?
<Yaten> Yup, pretty much. ^_^
<Kaworu> Well then. Onward!
   
 for she knew that they were going to the carrot
patch.
   
<Shinji> So just to knock Ryo-ohki's head for a loop Sasami purposefully avoids the carrot patch 
and heads for the cabbage patch.
<Makoto>  Where several small, carnivorous dolls popped up and ate them.
<Yaten> That's not the only thing that'll be "popping up" around these parts.
<Makoto> Hunh?
<Yaten> *snickers*
   
  Tenchi looked up form his work and saw Sasami walking down
the road wearing shorts and a T-shirt. 
   
<Yaten> Gasp! Look! Look at Sasami!
<Shinji> *with a look of absolute horror plastered on his face* She's wearing clothes.
<All> Gaaah!
<Makoto> •Tenchi•  Hey, you there!  Stop wearing shorts and a t-shirt right this instant!  This IS a 
lemon, you know!  Get with the program!
   
 Tenchi was sweating 
profusely and decided to take off his shirt, to reveal a muscular
chest, in an effort to cool off.
   
<Makoto> Now.. wait a minute.  Let me see if I have this straight: Tenchi took off his shirt.
<All> Uh huh.
<Makoto> To reveal his muscular self.
<All> That's right.
<Makoto> And to ultimately cool off.
<All> Right!
<Makoto> Thank you.
<All> Indeed.
   
  Sasami saw Tenchi hard at work 
   
<Yaten> *giggles*
<All> Aww! -_-
<Makoto> Maybe you should just sit this one out, Mr. Perverto! 
<Yaten> But... it's a lemon.
<Makoto> Eh?
<Yaten> Oh, what, couldn't you tell?
<Makoto> Come again?
<Kaworu>  Aw, give them time, they haven't even come a FIRST time--
<Shinji> Bwahahah!
<Makoto> And I suppose I should be slightly uneasy over the fact that I'm stuck in a room 
with you guys now.
<All> *cackling malevolently* Yes!
   
   
and noticed how cute he was when he was bare-chested.  
   
<Makoto> •Sasami• He'd be even cuter if he didn't have that curiously bulbous head.
   
Tenchi had
always had a secret crush on Tenchi
   
<All> AHA!
<Yaten> So now the secret is revealed!
<Makoto> Nani?  What secret?
<Shinji> Why Tenchi isn't attracted in any way, shape or form to the opposite sex, of which his 
house is chock-full.
<Yaten> He's so busy making love to Mister Gun in his room that he hasn't got time for Ryoko 
and the rest.
<Makoto> Aw, jeez, Yaten!
<Yaten> The truth, ladies and gentlemen! I only speak the solid facts of the matter!
<Shinji> Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little self-love, is there?
<All> ....
<Yaten> You speak from rigorous experience, don't you?
<Shinji> Forget I ever said anything. *holes up in his corner*
   
  and didn't know how to 
approach her.  
   
<Kaworu> •Tenchi• Well, perhaps if I were to... walk toward her in a straight line... and maybe.. say something 
along the lines of.. "I like you"... nah.  That'd never work. I'm such an idiot.
   
	As Sasami came into full view Tenchi's dick started
to grow in his shorts.
   
<Makoto> HOLY schlaMOLY!! 0_0
<Yaten> I TOLD YOU!! I TOLD YOU! ><
<All> UUUUUGGGGHH!!! ><;
<Kaworu> So.. offensive.. to.. my poor eyes.. going.. into.. Shatner... mode.. nnnnooooo!
<Shinji> *kicks Kaworu.. lightly.* Knock it off, man!
<Seiya> Ow.
<Shinji> Uh.. Kaworu.. was that your knee, or was that...?
<Kaworu> Aw, I don't care, we're all going to go blind from this fic anyhow. >< 
   
  Soon Tenchi's hard-on became too hard to 
   
<Seiya> --possibly be any harder, as it was hard as a rock, harder than the hardest thing you can 
imagine, you know.
<Makoto> Well, hullo! Where've you been?
<Seiya> I've been to granma's.
<Makoto> What? -_-
<Seiya> I've been making mad love to a shoe.
<Makoto> You lie! -_-
<Seiya> I was playing with Tenchi and Mister Gun.
<All> AAH! 0_o
<Seiya> Actually, I was just under my desk.
<Shinji> So that was you that said 'ow'.
<Yaten> *to Shinji* No! It was Kaworu's knee. *to Seiya* Wimpy, puny man! Do not hide from 
your destiny!
<Seiya> I want nothing to do with Tenchi, Sasami, OR Mister Gun.
<Kaworu> You were only temporarily withholding your torture. Read with us, buddy. 
*wheels Seiya's chair over to him*
   
hide, comfortably. 
   
<Seiya> Which I was doing until Shinji kicked me in the face.
<Shinji> Sorry. ^^;
   
Sasami, by this time had noticed the bulge in
Tenchi's pants.  Tenchi kept working despite his discomfort.  
   
<Shinji> •Tenchi• Must... not.. actually.. be.. attracted.. to... a member of....the opposite sex...
 must.. not.. commit.. statutory.. rape....!
   
	Ryo-oki had now dug a tunnel under the ground to get at 
one of the carrots.
   
<Seiya> Woohoo! A real plot line!
   
  She nibbled at the first carrot she came to.  
   
<All> Forget Tenchi and Sasami!
<Makoto> This is where the action is!
   
The carrot was relatively large and would take a lot of time to 
eat.
   
<Kaworu> Oh, please say the rest of the story focuses on THAT.
<Shinji> We should be so lucky...
   
  Tenchi came to the carrot that Ryo-oki was chewing on and 
was unable to rip it from the ground.
   
<Makoto> So Ryo-ohki bit his fingertips off. The end.
<Seiya> No, Tenchi then proceeded to make mad love to the carrot.
<All> Bwahaha!
<Makoto> Wheee.
<Shinji> Being a man is fun.
<Makoto> You know, you've got a real point there, my melancholic little friend.
   
  Sasami asked Tenchi if he 
needed any help
   
<Kaworu> •Sasami, winking• "Help." I would like to "help" you, Tenchi, if you catch my drift. 
I will "help" you with your "hard" work, if you get me.
   
 and bent down close to him glancing at his bulge, 
   
<Yaten, brashly> My, look at the tent in your pants, Tenchi! You could pack a whole troop 
of Cub Scouts in that sucker!
<Makoto> ;><; Ha! You're fabulous, Yaten! *slaps him HARD on the back*
<Yaten> Must you be so "HARD" on me, Makoto?
<Makoto> Wheee.
   
trying not to let him notice. 
   
<Shinji> •Sasami• I hope he doesn't notice me hovering an inch away from his personal area.
<Seiya> I'd wager an inch is about all his personal area IS anyway.
<Yaten> •Tenchi•  Millimeter Peter they call me!
   
 Sasami squatted down next to Tenchi
and started to pull on the carrot.  After much effort the carrot 
was torn from the ground, carrying the little cabbitt Ryo-oki 
with it, and sent Sasami and  Tenchi flying.
   
<Kaworu> Never mind the cabbit.  Now we come to the amazingly-coincidental, badly-penned 
lemon content.
<Kaworu> So that's what we "come" to now, is it.
<Shinji> This fanfic is so "HARD" to tolerate.
<Seiya> Maybe they will have "sex" now.
<Yaten> Aw!  That wasn't a pun at all!
<Seiya> Oh, what? We're punning now? Shall I "come" up with a few "hard"-liners?
<Kaworu> Seiya, you majorly "suck" at punning.
<Seiya> Oh no, my friend, I do believe that I "blow".
<Yaten> I wonder whether Sasami will "blow" Tenchi's carrot in a minute or two?
<Makoto, looking to Shinji> Well? Aren't you going to make a moron of yourself with the rest of them?
<Shinji> I'm just here for the ride.
<Yaten> Was that a pun?
<Shinji> Huh?
<Yaten> I could've sworn you just made a remotely innuendic remark involving the 
word "ride".
<Shinji> I did not, and there's no such word as innuendic.
   
  Tenchi fell on his 
back and Sasami fell on top of his stomach face down. 
   
<Yaten> She got an eyefull of PECS! Whoooo!
<Shinji> •Sasami• Waah! Tenchi's nipple poked my eye out!
   
 Tenchi and 
Sasami both moaned slightly in ecstasy as Sasami's pussy was mashed 
onto Tenchi's stiff dick.
   
<Kaworu> It's like sex, only with clothes inbetween.
   
  Sasami enjoyed what she was feeling and
started to move her hips up and down on Tenchi's bulge. 
   
<Seiya, with muffled laughter> Fully-clothed sex! A new concept from those crazy Juraian fetish-fiends! 
It'll be all the rage on Earth in a few thousand years.
   
 Tenchi was 
slightly dazed
   
<Yaten> •Tenchi• Girl... touch... Tenchi... Tenchi... like..? 
   
 and as he came out of it he looked down to see his 
fantasies come true.
   
<Makoto> He won a million dollars! And a new car!
<Seiya> He saw several taut male strippers at his service.
<All> Eh? 0_0
<Seiya> What, you think he's not gay? _I_ think he's gay.
<Kaworu> How in the hell could you think he's gay?  
<Seiya> Well, you'd know, what with that whole Gaydar thing and all, wouldn't you?
<Kaworu> .... die! *zaps Seiya with his lazer-beam vision*
<Makoto> _What_?  You don't have _lazer-beam vision_! 
<Kaworu> So now I do. *shrugs*
<All> *shrug*
<Seiya> *sizzles glumly in his chair*
   
  Tenchi reached down and lifted Sasami's tight  
shirt over her head and flung it aside.
   
<Yaten> •Tenchi• Well, we won't be needing THIS! Ha-haaa! I'm clever!
   
  Sasami was meanwhile undoing 
Tenchi's short's as well as her own.  Tenchi lay totally naked under
a half-clothed Sasami.  All Sasami was wearing was her under-garments.
   
<Yaten> Keep it that way. Please.
   
Tenchi leaned forward between Sasami's young tits
   
<Shinji> Well, uh, actually...
<Makoto> What?
<Shinji> Those tits are over 700 years old.
<Kaworu> Them's be ancient tits, passed down from one generation of the Jurai royal family
to the next.
<Yaten> Oh, do go on about Sasami's moldy tits! >_<
<All> Yeew!
<Makoto> Subject closed from all further discussion! On with the fanfic!
   
 and undid her 
front-clasp bra with his teeth.
   
<Seiya> Pretty fancy move for a guy with NO PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE!
<Makoto> Here here! 
   
  Tenchi  removed the bra with a 
small tug.
   
<Seiya> Amazing feats performed by the mountain hick-boy from Okinawa. How DOES he do it? 
Is it magic? Or is it all an illusion designed to trick the senses?
   
  Tenchi's hands moved down and grabbed the crotch of Sasami's
panties.
   
<Shinji> The panties moaned in ecstasy.
<Kaworu> >< Hoo hoo!
   
  Sasami started to get really wet now.
   
<Makoto> That's because Ayeka was spraying them with the hose.
<Yaten> •Ayeka• Out, damn OOC-characters!
   
  Tenchi slipped the 
pink frilly panties in a swift motion.  Sasami raised up to allow her
panties to come off, then she settle herself down on Tenchi's
stiff prick. 
   
<Seiya> So... Tenchi has a stiff.. prick.
<Kaworu> So it seems.
<Makoto> •Tenchi's prick• Don't touch me, you dirty little whore! You'll jump me and then frame 
me for a rapist after you're done!
   
 Tenchi held Sasami on the tip of his prick
   
<Seiya> AMAZING! Simply amazing! How DOES he do it? Is it magic? Is it--
<Shinji> We've already heard this part.
<Seiya> Oh yeah. So solly.
   
 and told the
virgin Sasami that this would hurt a bit, Sasami didn't care much 
because she wanted Tenchi so badly.
   
<Yaten> Oh sure, that's what they all say, but in the end they always come out griping about it after 
it's all said and done.
<Kaworu> So that's how they "come" out, is it?
<Makoto> Crikey, you guys are hopeless. ^^
   
  Tenchi forced all of Sasami's 
weight down as fast as he could.  Sasami cried out in pain as her
pussy gave way to Tenchi massive prick was split open.  
   
<All> 0.o
<Makoto> Tenchi split his prick!
<Shinji> Quick! Call the paramedics!
   
	The pain quickly subsided and was soon replaced with pleasure.
   
<Makoto> Oh, I'm sure.  He probably split her in half, she's so small compared to him.
<Kaworu, dubiously> What, with his massive Tenchi-ken? I don't think he's got the size 
advantage, if you get me.
<Makoto> OHHH. You're right!
<Kaworu> Indeed. Eeexcellent. *goes into Mister Burns mode, drumming his fingers together and 
hunching over in his seat*
<Shinji, giggling> Do you have any idea how funny you look when you do that?
<Kaworu> "Funny"? You find this "funny"? I'll show you "funny"! 
<Kaworu stares at Seiya, promptly turning him into a chicken.>
<Seiya> Bucwark?
<Makoto> Now, that IS funny. 
<Shinji> Oh, wheee. This is fun!
<Seiya> *ruffles feathers*
   
Tenchi lifted Sasami until only the tip of his dick was left inside
Sasami.  Tenchi brought Sasami back down and lifted her slowly back up.
Tenchi continued this motion while lifting his hips up to meet Sasami's
downstrokes.
   
<Shinji> •Tenchi• Oh sure, I'll just do all the work and you sit there and look entertained. 
How about that?
<Kaworu> •Sasami• Sounds like a plan, BROTHER Tenchi.
<All> EWW!
<Makoto> I totally forgot about that part! The whole 'brother Tenchi' thing! How.. delightful!
<All> What?!
<Makoto> *titters* I think incest is simply marvelous. After all, I've seen the Sailormoon S dub.
<All> Ohh!
<Shinji> Sorry. I forgot that you came from such a twisted place.
<Makoto>  Relax, don't get your panties in a bunch, I'm the subtitled Makoto.  I had it gooood.
<All nod thankfully.>
<Yaten> Thank sweet, blessid heavens that we're not in the dub yet!
<Seiya> But we're coming.
<All stare at the Chicken Man as he speaks.>
<Yaten, horrified> Surely you jest.
<Seiya> The day marches toward us steadily to the sickening drumbeat of time, my friend. 
We haven't long.
   
  Sasami started to gyrate her hips from side to side,
   
<Seiya> But she just couldn't get her groove on.
<Shinji> Sasami's a terrible dancer!
   
trying to increase the friction inside her love hole. 
   
<All> *throw arms up in the air, mimicking Soul Train* It's the Looooooove Hooooole! 
<Yaten> With special guests.. Mister Gun! And Tenchi's Prick!
   
	Ryo-ohki was, meanwhile, still working away at the tip of the
carrot.
   
<Makoto>  How lucky she is, free from all those earthly woes which bind her fellow housemates 
to an eternity of quarreling and Tenchi-glomping...
   
  She had no idea of what was going on at the surface.  Ryo-ohki
felt small tremors in the ground from Tenchi's humping action, but 
thought nothing of it. 
   
<Makoto> •Ryo-ohki• Oh, that Tenchi and his humping action. Always at it in the carrot patch. 
   
	Back at the surface both Sasami and Tenchi were reaching their
climax.  There was much labored breathing and moaning between the
two of them.  Tenchi slowed down a bit to try and prolong the
pleasure for both of them.
   
<Seiya> And fifteen seconds later, he considered it a job well done.
<Yaten> Mwell, actually, it's more of a medium rare..
<Kaworu> Raaaaaww. ><
<All> Ugh.
   
  Ryo-ohki heard all the screaming and 
came up to investigate.  She dug a tunnel along-side the carrot 
she was just eating and popped her little head out.
   
<Shinji> •Ryo-ohki•  Look, Sasami honey, it's time we came to terms.  When I say "no more 
boys in the carrot patch," I MEAN no more boys in the carrot patch!  All this vibration is 
ruining the carrots!
   
  She watched
curiously as Tenchi and Sasami screamed in ecstasy as they both
climaxed.
   
	Both exhausted, Tenchi and Sasami decided to rest for a while.
They just lay there to catch their breath and relax their muscles.
   
<Shinji> Only to go at it again two minutes later!
<Kaworu> •Ryo-ohki•  All that stuff about bopping like bunnies?  Load of rubbish.  My sex life 
isn't half as active as that seven year old girl's.
   
When they were rested Tenchi made the first move by rolling over and
reaching for the carrot that Ryo-ohki was nibbling on. 
   
<Makoto> •Tenchi•  Care for a slightly-soiled carrot, darling?
<Seiya>  He's probably going to light up the carrot, take a long draw and say, "you were wonderful."
   
 Sasami looked 
up curiously
   
<Makoto, cutely>  You even think about it and I'll rip out your gizzard, Tenchi nee-chan!
   
 and smiled at the thought of what Tenchi was about to do.
   
<Shinji> He's going to violate me with a carrot. How pleasant!
   
Tenchi dusted off the carrot a bit, kneeled down in front of Sasami and
stuffed the carrot up in her pussy.
   
<Yaten> •Tenchi•  Haven't I told you that you haven't been eating enough vegetables? Haven't I??!
   
  Ryo-ohki gave a whelp of protest and
ran to Sasami.
   
<Yaten> •Ryo-ohki• My carrot, damn you! My carrot!!
   
  She watched Sasami's pussy swallow the carrot and then 
jumped in after it.  Sasami squealed with delight. 
   
<All> ....
<Seiya> Holy sh*t. 
<Kaworu> That's just so wrong. In every possible way.
<Shinji> She's going to regret this later as she applies antiseptic to those internal wounds.
   
 Tenchi lifted Sasami
and crawled under her, laying her on his chest face-up.  Tenchi stuffed 
his cock up her tight, little asshole.
   
<Shinji>  That's not the only tight, little asshole round these parts..
<All> Amen.
   
  Ryo-ohki crawled up farther into
Sasami's pussy in an effort to retrieve the stolen carrot.
   
<Shinji> •Sasami• I'm losing bodily fluids by the quart, and it's fun!
   
  Ryo-ohki,
realizing that it would be impossible to pull the carrot out, sat and
nibbled at the carrot.
   
<Kaworu> You can imagine how delighted Sasami was about that.
   
  Ryo-ohki had to come up for air every once in
a while, this increased the friction in Sasami's pussy. 
   
<Seiya, flapping his wings>  Come on down for Physics with Tenchi and Sasami!  Today's topic: 
carrot-pussy friction and YOU!
   
 By this time 
Sasami was thoroughly enjoying herself.  Sasami's tight ass muscles
loosened up slightly, as Sasami began to relax.
   
<Kaworu, dumbfounded>  Whoever would have thought ass sex to be relaxing?
   
  Tenchi began to move 
up and down and lifted Sasami in an effort to get some friction on
his dick.
   
<Makoto>  Oh, like trying to.. insert.. yourself into a seven year old isn't going to be frictionful enough! 
<Kaworu>  Really now, isn't Sasami about twelve or thirteen?
<All> ... yeah...
<Shinji>  So.. you're saying she's fair game?  
<Makoto>  Kaworu, you lech! ><
<Kaworu>  No! No!  I was just stating a fact!
   
  Tenchi slowly increased the pace at which he pounded his
meat into Sasami.
   
<Yaten>  Here's a little SALAMI for ya!  And here's a little honey-baked ham for ya, too!  Yeah!
   
  At the same time Tenchi reached around to tease 
his lovers' clit.
   
<Seiya, ruffling his feathers>  Geez, there's so much going on, I can't keep track, the room is 
growing dim, mommy... *passes out*
<Makoto>  Chicken.
<Pause for canned laughter.>
<Makoto>  Now I feel dirty.
<Yaten>  Who wants to pluck and roast him while he's KO'ed? ^_^
<Shinji>  I do!
   
  His other hand grabbed Sasami's tiny pink nipple
on her left side.
   
<Makoto>  Well, that'll certainly attract 'em at the circus.. see SaSa, the girl with nipples 
on her sides!
   
  Sasami brought her right hand up to her breast and
ran little circles around her nipple with her index finger.
   
<Kaworu> Um... beg pardon, but.. wasn't Tenchi already doing that?
<Yaten>  Well, she's got two of 'em, hasn't she?
<Makoto> Oh, please, please don't get into that right now.  Pleeeaaase! ><;
<Yaten> Okay, okay, let's keep going.
<Shinji>  It just keeps COMING and COMING and--
<Makoto> Zip it!
<Shinji>  If you say so. ^^
   
  Her other
hand moved down and reached between her legs.  She continued down until
her hand met Tenchi's balls, she then gave Tenchi's balls a light squeeze.
   
<Yaten>  Then we drench the tenchi balls in a light sauce...
<Makoto>  Truly a delectable little morsel.  After it's flambéd, of course.  Or maybe 
burnt to a crisp.
<Seiya's wings flutter slightly.>
<Kaworu> Or maybe after it's been bashed to bits by a baseball bat.
<Shinji>  I'd like to see Tenchi's 'nads baked in batter and served to this damn fanfic author.
   
Tenchi returned the favor by pinching Sasami's nipple and clit between
his thumb and index finger.
   
<Makoto>  We've got the world's most nimble acrobats here. 
   
  By this time Ryo-ohki was almost done the
carrot
   
<Kaworu>  Aw!  Not you too, Ryo-Ohki!! >.<
<Makoto>  What?!  It's just eating the carrot.
<Kaworu>  You can't prove that!  And knowing this author, you're probably WRONG!  Even the 
cabbit is no more than a mere tool for stimulation! ><
   
  and tried to push the rest of the carrot out through Sasami's
vaginal opening.  This gave Sasami a jolt of pleasure
   
<Yaten>  Boy, those Juraians sure get their kicks from the strangest kinkiness.
<Makoto>  _I'll_ say..
   
 and brought her
close to climax.  Sasami let Tenchi know this by tugging spasmodically on
Tenchi's balls,
   
<Kaworu> •Tenchi•  Oh yeah!... OUCH! ... oh baby!... OW!!  oh, yeah!!... OW! Jeez, Sasami, 
would you quit with the spasmodic tugging?
   
 Tenchi began to hump faster and faster
   
<Makoto>  At this point, the chicken was squawking its head off and flapping its wings like mad, trying its 
hardest to get away from the lunatic farm boy.
<Seiya> Hey, I take that as a personal jab, you.
<Makoto>  Welcome back to the land of the living, chicken-man.
<Seiya>  Looks more like the land of the jaded.. or maybe the land of the indignant and generally teed-off.  
   
 trying to bring
Sasami and himself over the verge of climax.
   
<Seiya>  And off the cliff of audience-indifference.
   
  It worked, both of them 
moaned and shuddered as they
   
<Shinji> -- realized that they were just being used as a method for the author to whack off.
   
 reached their second climax at the same.
time.
   
<Makoto>  What do we wish this story was out of?
<Yaten>  Time?
<Makoto>  This fanfic isn't over yet, but it's about?
<Yaten>  TIME! Gads! ><
   
  Cum began to seep out of Sasami's ass,
   
<All> ...
<Kaworu stifles a sob.>
<Shinji> U.. ugh... I feel like I'm going to vomit..
   
 Tenchi waited until he
was limp before he withdrew from her ass.
   
<Seiya>  It's more like cooking instructions instead of a lemon, really.
<Shinji>  Wait until the Tenchi is limp, then remove it from the pot and let it sit for five minutes.  Now you're 
ready to serve it.  Bon appetit! Mwah! *blows a chef-kiss*
<Makoto, blandly>  Magnifique.
   
  Ryo-ohki had finally pushed
the rest of the carrot out of Sasami's pussy and began to nibble on it.
   
<Seiya>  •Ryo-Ohki•  Eww, what is this, jizz all over my carrot?  Goddamn.  I'm never eating at _this_ 
restaurant again.
   
Sasami looked over to Tenchi and lovingly whispered "I LOVE You Tenchi."
   
<Shinji> •Tenchi•  Yeah, yeah.  Now if you're good and ready, get lost, I have a date with Ayeka in the 
storage closet in about five minutes.
<Kaworu>  Oh, that Tenchi. What a ladies' man!
<All don their serious reporter-style expressions.>
<Makoto>  As we bring our fun-filled fanfic to a close, Tenchi has molested a prepubescent girl and twisted 
and polluted the minds of any and all who read this traversal through lemon hell. 
<Shinji>  I'm Ikari Shinji.
<Makoto>  I'm Kino Makoto.
<Seiya>  I'm Kou Seiya, the chicken-man.
<Kaworu>  And I'm Nagisa Kaworu, a reincarnated demi-god.  This has been the Weekly Fanfic Revue.  
Thank you and good night.
<All clap.>
   
End of Part 1
   
<Makoto> Well, there you have it!
<Shinji>  Oh, yes, it came and went...  well, really, it came more than it went... a LOT more..
<Kaworu>  I, for one, will now need a shower.
<Makoto>  I need a strong cup of tea and a stronger dose of good old-fashioned television to wash the 
memory of this horrid thing out of my head.
<Shinji>  I'll second the shower.
<Seiya> *to Shinji and Kaworu* It's like episode twenty-four every day for you two, isn't it? 
<Shinji and Kaworu> o_o
<Kaworu>  Not _together_, you twit! >< Egads!
<Seiya>  Can't blame me for being suspicious.  You fellows are a bit nebulous in your 
early-morning activities, you know.
<Kaworu> Oh.... shut up. *glares at Seiya and turns him into a piece of grilled chicken.*  
Who's for a good old-fashioned chicken dinner?
<Shinji and Makoto>  ME! ^_^
   
Stay tuned for part 2-coming soon
   
<Makoto> .. ungh..
<Shinji>  I've got that eerily ominous feeling creeping down my spine again, Makoto.
<Kaworu glares at the screen and sets it aflame spontaniously.>