as the scene opens, we find that our humble reviewers are once again trapped like rats in a tiny tin can...



Some questionable content, as in, watch for flying perverted references and some dirty, dirty thoughts.

<Pendrell> *voice echoes around the room, despite the absence of her physical presence* Now, everyone, how are we 
today? Good? Good. Seat yourselves and please turn your attention to your next fanfic, if you would. *aside* This 
one'll make them all go nuts fer sure. Hee hee hee. I love the crazy hedonism of mad experiments!
<Minako> Uh, we heard that, Pendrell-sama. Next time, cover the mike with your hand. 
<Pendrell> Eh??.. ¬_¬  SILENCIO!!!
<All> Iiieee! *tuck their heads between their knees and cross their hands above themselves; some ceiling spackle 
falls on Ami's head*
<Pendrell> Now then.. let's see who we've got.. Ami, Minako, Kino-kun--
<Makoto> *lifts head with evil glower* Are you calling me a man? I am Makoto, not Mako-KUN!!
*Mamoru and Minako struggle to keep her from bashing the wall down.*
<Makoto> I'll knock a hole in your drum!! >< *fangs show*
<Pendrell> Alright, so we've got the inner senshi plus Cape Boy..
<Mamoru> I AM _NOT_ CAPE BOY!! >< DAMNIT, I AM TUXEDO KAMEN!!
*Makoto and Minako struggle to keep Mamoru from injuring himself.*
<Mamoru> I'll knock a hole in your drum! AND your bongo!! ><
<Pendrell>  Yes, well, I'm sure you will, you puny man. My pet chihuahua Wufei could take you.
<All> Wufei..? ^_-
<Pendrell> ANYWAY!
*ceiling spackle flitters down onto the heads of the review team.*
<Pendrell> I've really got to get that ceiling fixed. Um, anyhoo, a Comb Ninja of sorts sent this one in for you.
<Minako> A WHAT kind of ninja?
<Pendrell> Erm.. a Comb Ninja.
<Mamoru> Ninja Who Combs?
<Makoto> Ninja Who Comes By Night to Untangle Your Fuzzy Hair-type ninja?
<Pendrell> I.. don't.. know. Now shut up and read.
<All> *shrug* Oooohkay.
<Pendrell> Oh, and this was written by dual authors, so see if it's true that a team effort is more 
coherent than a one-man 'fic. Got that? All of it? And, before we begin, have you all.. uh.. you know.. gone?
<All> *little children voices* Yeeeess ma'am.
<Pendrell> Because I'd hate to have to stop the review for anyone to.. you know..
<All> Uh-huuuh. *shuffle feet*
<Pendrell> Great. Off you go!


Sailormoon: Cryptal Infinity

<Rei> *ominous* Infinity is hiding somewhere in this fanfic. Can you find it?
<Usagi> Eh?? I'm confused, Rei-chan.
<Minako> Yeah, that one went right over our insipid, intolerably blonde heads.

CHAPTER 1: Fiery accent, cold lovers, bedazzled breakfast

<Mamoru> Damn that's artistic. @_@

By Coke Head

<Minako> Aw, GREAT! Just great! We're reading another tripped out fic by some coke addict! Why does this not 
surprise me?

	It was a new day.

<All> And the people rejoiced. *bored*

 Bunny woke up. Getting out of her bed, she put on slippers and headed downstairs, and ate some pancakes.

<Ami> Forgetting the fact that, other than the slippers, she was completely nude.
<Mamoru> •as Shingo• *piece of toast drops out of open mouth*
<Makoto> *deep, anticipatory announcer voice* Watch in terror as Usagi eats her pancakes! Hot syrupy action!  
The buttery breakfast sequences will AMAZE you!

 "Mom" Bunny called, "What time is it?" "It's

<Minako> Time to die? ^_^

 Eight o'clock"

<Minako> Which would be time to die.

 Bunny's mom replied. Bunny screamed.

<Rei> •Bunny• OH CHRIST, I'M IN A CRAPPY FANFIC! LET ME OOOOUUT!
<All> *start screaming madly because they're.. really confused.*

  "I have to go to school!" Bunny was out the door, pancakes being guzzled down as she ran like a cheetah.

<Makoto> *deadpan Discovery Channel voice* It's so.. interesting.. to watch the cheetah.. run. As it.. devours.. 
its breakfast... today it has chosen a feast of.. pancake.. an easy kill, since it has no.. time to spare.. before 
it must.. attend Juuban High.. daily morning.. classes.. hu hu hu....
<All> ZzzzZZz...
<Makoto> WAKE UP, YOU WANKERS! *stomps on the floor, shaking the entire laboratory*

 On Bunny's way to school she met her best friend Rei.

<Usagi> .. and nonchalantly choked her in greeting.
<Rei> •fic Rei• *grabs Usagi by her ankle and slams her facefirst into the ground* HEYa, buddy! :)

  "Hi Rei" she said as she ate her pancakes.

<Minako> So it was kind of a "hmph myei" instead of a "Hi Rei"..

 "Shut up Bunny!

<Rei> Right on! >.< 

 You are late for school you don't have time to talk to me."

<Usagi> Nonsense, there's always time for you to drastically lower my self-esteem and cause me to loathe myself 
because of my idiocy..

Rei said back to her, Rei's friend Ami agreed with Rei.

<Ami> Damn right, Usagi, I'm no friend of yours.
<Rei> *slaps a sticker that says 'Property of Rei' on Ami's forehead* Hah! :)

 "That's right Bunny if you do not go to school and get good grades you will fail and then you will have to take a 
year of school."

<Mamoru> Buut.. she's already taking a year of school.. so what they're saying is, if she fails this year, she 
comes back next year? As in, it doesn't really matter worth a flip?

 Bunny started crying, but in any event she still had school to do!"

<Rei> .. who said that? *suspicious look*

	***

	The beautiful rays of the sun shone over the steps of the sun,

<Mamoru> •fic Usagi• Dum de dum dum, hee hee! *walks up the steps of the sun and right INTO the sun, thereby melting 
and finishing up the fic.*
<All> Alright! Let's go! *pile up in front of the doorway in an effort to get out*
<Pendrell> *via intercom* SIT DOWN! READ FIC! 
*A small electrical charge is administered to the inhabitants of the room.*
<Fried Senshi> OooOgha... 0.o

 peaceful birds signing beautiful songs. 

<Minako> Ooh, look, drugged hippy birds!
<Usagi> I want to sign songs, too. *pouts and scribbles on the cover of a Dave Matthews CD jacket*

"WHERE IS BUNNY!"

<Mamoru> ME WANT KNOW NOW! TELL ME WHERE IS BUNNY!
<Ami> HERE YOUR BUNNY!! *thrusts the Monty Python Killer Bunny Rabbit into Mamoru's hands; Mamoru is ripped to 
shreds within seconds.*
<Usagi> U.. uwaaaaahh!!! ;>_<;
<Mamoru> *regenerates with the power of anime technology* Whoooooaa.. you've gotta try that sometime, Usako. :)
<Usagi> Waa-- oh? Mamo-chan?? --; Uh.. hurray!

 screamed Rei, the beautiful scene was shattered as the birds flew to kingdom come.

<Makoto> BY GOD, SHE KILLED THE BIRDS! 0_o
<Minako> Rei, ya bitch! Watch out for wildlife! And, uh, here.. next time, don't forget to brush.  Morning 
breath, you know. *hands Rei a box of Altoids cautiously*
<Rei> •fic self• *wheezes on Minako and kills her instantly*
<Minako> Oh no, look at me, I'm dead! Boohoo! Rei, why can't you be more of a.. a team player?
<Makoto> Weeell, technically you're not dead.. you're just playing dead.
<Minako> Oh. Oh yeah.

 The others grimaced at Rei's outburst. "She probably has detention Rei" Chad replied, stroking Rei's hair.

<Mamoru> •as hair• Get out of me, you dirty, whorish fingers! You've been playing with Chad's goods for years, 
hell knows I don't want you in MY lovely locks!

 Rei instantly calmed down, and looked lovingly into Chad's eyes," what would I do without you Chad, you are the 
flame that burns within my heart."

<Rei> •fic Rei• Guuuh.. heartburn... *explodes*

 Makoto and Minako just looked knowingly at each other

<Makoto> ? Because we know we're gay?

 while Ami calculated how long it would take Bunny to walk from Juuban School to the Temple that Rei lived at, 
Sunny Hill Temple.

<Mamoru> Such a happy name for a place that houses such an angry antisocial evil girl.

 Bunny ran up the steps just in time to see Chad and Rei kissing like two puppies in love.

<Rei> *slobber slobber slobber*
<Ami> Scratch Chad's tummy and he'll whine for ya, Rei-chan.
*WHAP*
<Ami> *sob* Itai neee!

 She sighed with resentment and jealousy, if only Darien would kiss me, she reflected.

<Mamoru> But eeww, no way, you're so nasty. *shivers at the thought*

 I do not know if I am not pretty enough for him but he just does not ever kiss me. 

<Minako> It's not enough that he never slobbers on you like sloppy old Chad does to Rei? It's never good enough 
for you, is it, Usagi? 

***

<Mamoru> Three little stick men... *scratches head in bewilderment*

Love trouble aside Bunny went in and had a snack,

<Ami> Eh? Went in to where? Home? The Plaza? Hell?

 eating some of Rei's ice cream then eating everything.

<Minako> Including the drapes, the upholstery, the furniture, the dinette set...
<All> ..and Rei...
<Rei> Oh.. so she's raiding MY household. Figures. -_-

 "This is great" she told the others, since Rei and Chad are always 'busy'"

<Mamoru> *nudges Rei* You an' Chad gettin' it ON! Hee hee hee!
<Rei> Unappreciated comment, Mamoru-kun! *SLAP*
<Mamoru> *eyes bulge out* Ooooww, Rei, be gentler, would you? *rubs back of head tentatively*

 Bunny snickered, "I can eat all the food I want without having Rei lecture me on how fat I am."

<Minako> Oh my yes, such a fat 96-pound girl you are!..

 Ami did not reply she just read a cookbook, 

<Ami> *reading intensely* 2 cups flour.. 1.. egg... wow... the mathematics of food preparation... so.. intriguing..

while Makoto dreamed of the restaurant she and Minako would work at one day,

<Usagi> While simultaniously performing kinky lesbianistic acts upon one another.

 she would be the cook and Minako could be the promiscuous waitress.

<Minako> Mmm, yeah baby. *dreams alongside fic Makoto*
<Makoto> Are you dreaming of how good it'll be to go out on an enterprise with me, or are you dreaming about the 
naughty outfit that you'll be wearing to lure in the customers?
<Minako> Umm.. definitely the enterprise, yep, that's it. *lies very badly*
<Mamoru> *thinks dirty thoughts alongside Minako* Mmmm... short skirt...
<Usagi> Uh uh! NO WAY! Minako, stop being such a pervert! You're making Mamoru all googly-eyed!
<Minako> But, uh, I didn't do anything.. ^^;
<Usagi> Thief! Boyfriend snatcher!! *jumps on Mina; the two have it out, bimbo-style.*

***

<Mamoru> Three little Blair Witch insignias.. *scratches head*

Meanwhile, outside Chad and Rei were making

<Ami> Out.. outside. How nice!

 plans to go shopping.

<Rei> *goes into Navy SEAL mode, in complete camouflage, and whips out a map* O-KAY, RECRUIT! We're gonna cross 
the street HERE, at Shinobu District Plaza, and then we're gonna run like hell! We'll hit the 7-11, the Macy's, 
and from there we'll set up a basecamp!! ARE YOU READY, SOLDIERS?!
<All> H-hai, Rei-sama! *bow before their master*

 "Come on Chad we can go downtown, without the others, and pick out clothes for me to wear."

<Usagi> Seeing as she's nude right now.

 "Rei I would go anywhere with you, but uh… can't we go some other day.?" "Chad! You always say stuff like that, 
this time you are coming."

<Minako> •fic Rei• I don't care how many times we have to go at it, you're coming!
<Rei> Sick, disgusting twerp! *WHACK*
<Minako> Ooh, violenciness! When will it all eeeennd? @_@

 With that, Rei put her hands around his ample waist

<All> Jesus!
<Mamoru> Oh cripes, he's a she. >_<

 and took him with her to her sports sedan.

 "You're driving she said"

<Ami> Who said? ^_-

 "Okay, but just this once" he smiled at her, she leaned closer to him, and in time that can not be counted 
they were kissing.

<Ami> Yes, by the way, while they're kissing the author reminds you that time cannot be counted. In the span of 
universal time, we are but insects going about our meaningless life's plans, doing everything, yet doing naught at all.
<Minako> Shut up, Ami-chan. *nudges Ami out of her trance*

 Their kisses were more beautiful than the exotic beautiful, flying erotically in the midnight sun.

<Usagi> Oh my, Rei is flying erotically!
<Mamoru> Come fly erotically with us on an LSD trip into the groovy midnight sun, duuude! 0_o
<Rei> *stripes nekkid and attempts to fly erotically.. landing in Makoto's lap in a rather suggestive position* 
Ooh, I AM the Body Erotica!
<Makoto> Eww eww eww! Getoffgetoffgetoff...

 The driver drove them downtown, but before they made it, a roadblock hindered their superb progress.

<Mamoru> Just as Chad is about to come, the roadblock walks in on them and ruins the mood.

 Rei opened the door of her car and asked just what was going on.

<Rei> *directed to the others* And why are you people in my sedan?
<All> We don't know; don't ask us. *shrug*

 A screaming passerby just stared at her yelling inconserhesible

<All> Um.. Ami?
<Ami> *darkly* NO, that is not a real word. It is not even CLOSE to a real word. Such a word has never existed, 
it is a fake, it is a fraud, it is WRONG, and I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT!!! *slams fists down on the desk and screams 
savagely* I... I... oh... I can't... take it.. *sobs brokenly*
<Usagi> .. there there. *massages the distraught genius' shoulders apologetically* It's part of the package when 
you're dealing with bad fanfics.

 things at the top of his lungs. Chad looking out the window, so what was wrong!

<Minako> There's absolutely nothing wrong with Chad looking out the window!

 A monster, a terrible monster, which was red and orange and looked like it was a terrible deformed

<Rei> EVA? Mayhaps it can be likened to that hideous yellow suit of Ayanami's? :)
<Mamoru> Hey, quit traversing into different animes. This is OUR show, not that baka Eva crap.
<Asuka Langley> *walks in, bops Mamoru on the head with an inflatable hatchet, then starts to head for the door...*
<Ami> Hey, wait! Do something.. Evangelion-like!
<Asuka> .. well.. okay. *throws off her clothes and dances provocatively for everyone, THEN leaves.*
<Mamoru> *rubs head* Ow! Jeez! See what we're missing? What kind of deadbeat show ARE we??!

 cone was wrenching up the pavement. "Rei! It's time for action!"

<Usagi> Flashback to the hot syrupy breakfast-devouring action from scene 1!

 he declared pulling out his

<Ami> Aaaiiiee! x_x

 PKG, 

<All> His.. what?

as Rei held up her henshin wand, "MARS PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!" Dazzling fire erupted around Rei's exposed body, 
making Chad's

<Mamoru> .. pants bulge?
<All> Ugh! *all beat down viciously on Mamoru*
>Mamoru> Owiiiee! Itaiii! But.. I kind of liked it... in a way.
<Rei> We know EXACTLY what way, and we're never doing it again.
<Mamoru> Aww...

 suit turn red.

<Rei> Oh dear, singed you again, didn't I? Well, that'll teach you not to stand so close to me when I'm transforming 
and nude.

  Sailormars posed on top of the car, with Akai-Chad right behind her.

<Mamoru> Akai.. Chad.. *voice dissolves into giggles* 

"In the name of Mars I will punish you!"

***

<Mamoru> Little stick figure men... *scratches head, thoroughly confused*

	Back at the Shrine, the other Sailors were in a terrible state. Ami, was too tired from staying up late, and 
couldn't get her transformation to work,

<Minako> She'd just kind of get to the part where she turned nude and that would be that.
<Ami> •fic Ami• Okay.. Mercury power, up make!!... *clothes disappear* Oh, no , that's not it.. Pretty blue power, 
transform! *nothing happens* Goshdarnit, that's not it either! Maybe if I...

 her powers over water were just too weak. Makoto was the only one who could do anything,

<Makoto> Ya damn right, the rest of 'em are lazy bums.

 without her powers but she could get hers to work, Sailor Venus transformed also. Bunny refused to transform until 
Darien would kiss her.

<Usagi> CRIIIIIPES. >_<

 The others tried to convince her to transform but it she was just too stubborn.

<Ami> She it.. he she.. doesn't really matter.

 Luna whispered to only the one she wanted to here, herself.

<Mamoru> The fook!! >< Kisamaaa! Druggy fic author! I hope you run out of funds for your coke addiction and your pimp 
deserts you!

 "I hope Rei's special training is going to pay off… for all our sakes." Bunny ate some pretzels she found in the 
cupboard, delirious to the danger her selfishness could cause

<Makoto> Mm-hmm, delirious.. that's our Usagi-chan, delirious as the day is.. day.
<Ami> At least they spelled it properly.


	***

<Mamoru> Three MORE little Blair Witch stick men... *scratches head*

	Akai-Chad fired his PKG at the monster, blowing several holes in the monster's flesh. The monster, tedious 
thing it might be, threw chunks of pavement at Akai-Chad,

<All> *laughing insanely*

 which after a serious of flips and rolls successfully and skillfully dodged.

<Ami> Uh.. hee hee... dodged what?
<Mamoru> What difference be between serious flip and non-serious flip?
<Minako> Mayhap one flip be Ami-like, want study all time. Other flip be Usagi-like, vapid and stupid and make you 
land on head.

 "Your turn SailorMars!",

<Usagi> *insistant voice* It's your turn to ride the seesaw with me!

 Chad exclaimed, the glint of the sun highlighted his beautiful face and muscular body 

<Mamoru> God, these Chad Freaks are annoying. 
<Minako> They should focus their attention on something less.. ugly.
<Mamoru> Like me? :)
<Minako> Yeah, like you.
<Usagi> Okay, ho, that's it, we takin' this outsiiide!! *jumps on Minako.. again.*
<Minako> It's not my fault your man exudes an aura of sexuality! Leave me alone!! >.<

"Right!" she replied, breasts heaving,

<All> Ooooh.. 0.0
<Rei> Yeeaaah, buddy! Watch this HOT, BREAST-HEAVING action! *HEAVES her breasts at Makoto*
<Makoto> Aaaahh! Dameeee! Everybody, stop coming on to me and doing provocative things to me! Waah!

 and with that she was off into the sky like a rocket.

<Mamoru> I think I speak for all of us when I say that we WANT you to do this, Rei. You simply must try it. Heave, 
then OFF you go! :)
<Rei> How about THIS instead? *HEAVES an extremely heavy bookcase onto Mamoru*
*CLUNK*

 A emblazed figure, the sun shone behind her as she seemed to stand in mid air, slowly at first, she chanted "Mars… 
Solar… Holy… Fire… FLARE!"

<Rei> Rah rah! I say, "we!" you say, "suck!" :)
<Rei> WE!
<All> SUUUCK! ^_^
<Rei> Weee!
<All> Suuuuck! 
*All leap into a professional cheerleading pyramid formation; unfortunately, Usagi loses her balance and all go falling 
facefirst into the ground.*

 Upon her last word, a red aura seemed to flare around the sun and blasted the monster. The monster stood in a ring of 
fire, slowly burning in aguish, until all that was left of it was the construction cone it had been inhabiting.

<Minako> •as fanfic villain• OH GOD, MY HOUSE! ANYTHING BUT MY HOUSE! I BEEN LIVING IN THAT CONE FOR THIRTY YEARS!
<Ami> Who says we're losing our touch? --;
<Minako> Hey, look. It's late, I'm tired, and at this hour of the night, originality eludes me. 

 Sailormars slowly floating back to the ground, Akai-Chad walked right to her side, and gave her a passionate kiss. 
Sailormars happily accepted his gift.

<Mamoru> •as Mars• Yeah, thanks Chad, but next year how about getting me something... NON-penis? :P

	***
	"DARIEN'S JUST GOTTA KISS ME!" Bunny shouted pretzels flying out of her mouth. "I have to go home and… study." 
Amy lied.

<All> The world self-destructed because Ami lied.

 The others believed her without question, much to Ami's relief. "I am no good at lying she thought. At least 
they believed me."

<Ami> Who the hell is doing the crappy narrating around here? -_-

 The real reason she was going home was to practice. Her computer had recorded Sailor Mar's extraordinary attack; 
it was an attack that was on par with most of Sailormoon's attacks.

<Mamoru> *WHACK* Nuts! Sliced it again! Gotta learn to watch that snapback.
<Makoto> Next up in our exciting golf tour footage: Rei and Usagi arguing pointlessly for hours on par 3.

 "I can barely transform anymore," she lamented.

<Makoto> Aw, bitch, bitch, bitch! Think about Rei's problems! Ever since she gave Chad that Viagra, he's been more 
active than a hypermotive atom! At least YOU don't have to screw a loser 24-7!
<Ami> Uh.. Mako-chan... --; there's no such thing as a hypermotive atom.

 The bus ride home seemed to take forever, all the while Ami watched a small bead, probably one of those cheap 
plastic beads from a prize machine's bracelet, roll around on the bus floor.

<Minako> *blink* The bead rolls THIS way... *blink* ..the bead rolls THAT way... we make left turn, ball 
disappears under feet of people sitting across from me.
<Ami> Damn those plastic beads. Thinking they're all that and a cup of tea... just because they come from some 
snazzy, stuck-up prize machine...  I'll show them allll one day... 

 She got off the bus and to her surprise saw Greg outside her house. "Greg!" she exclaimed but quickly chastised 
her for doing something likes that.

<Mamoru> Greg is a she and Ami likes that?
<Usagi> Er.. seems that way. ^^; *blink*

 Greg's eyes light up like the moonlights up at nighttime, and practically, he ran to her. 

<Ami> As the subplot changes tense, Greg ran to Ami in a practical way.
<Makoto> He ran to her.. sort of. But not quite.  He was running without REALLY running. You can think of it as a 
sort of pseudo-running, kind of like jogging, yes. If we were to cross-research this enigmatic topic of pseudo-running,
 we woud find th--
*SHMAK*
<Minako> WOULD YOU JUST _DROP_ THE DIALOGUE AND COME BACK DOWN TO PLANET EARTH AND, SPECIFICALLY, THIS FANFIC 
REVIEW?! >_<

"Ami! I predicted that you would need my help, so I stole my dad's money and rented a limo, to take me here."

<Mamoru> •Greg• Er, no, wait, I just rented this limo to stoke my ego.
<Ami> Yes, I can see the practicality of stealing your dad's money, but as for renting a limo, I just don't know..
<Rei> Yeah, that's just a _bit_ extreme.
<All> *semi-snicker at the thought of the boy genius stealing money and renting limos just to impress trite little 
Ami-chan*

 Therefore, Ami and Greg took a midnight ride in the limo and Ami told Greg off

<Usagi> •fic Ami• Yeah, you're pretty pisspoor for a telepathic genius, you lout! You always beat me on every test we 
take because of your stupid psycho-kinetic powers! Well, I think you can take your lousy powers and shove 'em!

 her problems, the decided to go to the community pool to practice.

<Mamoru> Meanwhile, as Ami and Greg try to decide what verb tense to stick with, Mr. The swims laps in the community 
pool of... some community.

 Once there Ami practiced transforming,

<Ami> Mercury planet poowweeerrr!... *looks down* Aw jeez, now I'm nude in a pool and I _still_ can't transform!

 by the end of the night she was having no problem with it.

<Mamoru> Chlorine helps you become more of a sailor senshi.

 Ami decided that since it was late her mother probably wouldn't notice if Greg came home twist her,

<Minako> Whoa, I think she'd notice if Greg came home and _twisted_ her!! o_0

 and Greg, having no where to stay came with her.

<Usagi> Despite having stolen oodles of money from his dad, thus inabling himself to stay at the Ritz for at least 
a month...
<Makoto> Come on. You honestly think Greg would spend money staying somewhere else when he could stay at Ami's house
unsupervised for FREE? 

	***

<Mamoru> What IS the connection between this fanfic and these aggravating little stick persons?? *holds head in agony*

	"So what does everyone think?

<Makoto> .. Well.. I think you should stick to drawing badly-traced copies of Sailor Moon pictures..
<Mamoru> I think it's lame. Do you have ANY idea of how to use the English language correctly?
<Minako> I'm thinking of something that rhymes with... orange.
<Usagi> *ponders* I don't think that anything DOES rhyme with orange, Minako-chan..


 Do you think that after school me and Minako should open a restaurant?" Makoto exclaimed.

<Ami> Well, sure, as soon as the bell rings, you guys go out and get your startup venture capital, 
set up your stocks, confirm your store location, and goooood luck! *snort*

 Rei was off with Chad, and Ami was also missing, saying she had to study extra hard this week,

<Minako> Yup, studyin' hard. Studyin' anatomy... Greg's anatomy. 
<Ami> Dirty, dirty, dirty.

 the only 
person there to answer her was Bunny or Minako, and Minako was to engrossed in watching men walk by.

<Mamoru> Ooh, two big words in one sentence! We got grammar improving now, see if bad reviewers can poke 
so much fun at we yet!
<Ami> *wails* That's not even the _slightest_ bit funny! Stop it! Please!

 The window of the coffee shop.

<Makoto> Yes, there is a window in that coffee shop. Surprise!
<All> *fall out of a door marked 'Supplies'* SUPPLIES! 
<Makoto> *turns to everyone else* .. -_-; hm?
<All> *sweatdrop..sweatdrop..* Umm.. gomen, Mako-chan. *return to seats, having failed in suppliesing her*

 Bunny exclaimed with a mouthful of Ice cream, "Sure thing" Bunny sputtered, "Then I could have all the 
free food!" Bunny's declaration was received with a blood-curdling scream.

<Mamoru> Eeeek, don't talk with food in your mouth!!

 The woman at the small coffeshop's register was screaming at the top of her lungs as her register, the 
one she worked with everyday, turned into a monster.

<Minako> *sob* I can't believe you never told me you're a possessed demonic cash register! How could you be 
so cruel?!

 "Everyone! Transform" yelled Luna.

<Minako> Why don't we find someone even more obscure to yell that next time?
<Rei> "Transform!" shouted Motoki!
<Makoto> What about the cash register? That would make things so much more interesting.
"Everyone, transform!" yells the inanimate cash register as the clerk sings the entire chorus of Ode to Joy.

 "JUPITER PLANET POWER!" "VENUS PLANET POWER" "MOON SATTELLITE POWER!"

<Usagi> DAMN YOU! ><

 "MAKE UP!" They roared in unison.

<All Senshi> WE ARE WOMEN IN SHORT SKIRTS, HEAR US ROAR!
<Mamoru> Grrrr!
*All make clawing motions at the cameras for a lovely photo-op, then return to seats.*

 "SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!" She shouted and through her lighting ball at the Cash-register monster. The cash register 
countered with giant quarters,

<All> *snicker* 
<Ami> *newsreporter voice* Today tragedy struck in the heart of Juuban district as one of the nation's favorite senshi,
 Sailor Jupiter, was crushed to death by giant quarters..
<Makoto> ..despite the fact that evil Japanese cash registers would usually contain JAPANESE currency. 
<Ami> ..as in yen. Yes, it baffles us as to how a fanfic claiming it originates from the Japanese version of the show 
keeps inserting foggy references to American culture. 

 which held the current sailors in place,

<Minako> Hey, we go with the flow! We're the current sailors! Let us ebb you away with our flowing, serene sailor 
speeches! --;
<Makoto> Either that, or they mean we're gonna be replaced in two years by another group of sailors.. in any case, 
I don't like it.

 the cash-register started gloating

<Mamoru> ..BWAHAHAH!!! ><; 
<Minako> •cash register• Ooh, you think you're so great just 'cause you wear short skirts and say snappy sailor 
speeches, do ya? Oh, suuure, just stick your fingers in my money drawer, violate me! It's all I've come to expect 
anyway! Nobody ever considers the cash register around here! I'm just something for you to open and close and insert 
money into! Boohoohoo! ><
<Mamoru> Purururu... 0o The cash register's got some mighty big issues.. 

 but it's words were interrupted by the sound of rushing water,

<All> Oh no, Taiki's flushing all the toilets in unison again!!

 "MECURY… SUSPEND COMMENCE… TIDAL WAVE!"

<Makoto> Yup, sounds like something Ami would say, being that it makes NO SENSE. -.-
<Ami> Only to the common pupil, it doesn't!

 An ocean seemed to form behind Sailormecury and the waves washed down over the coffee shop,

<Ami> Instantly killing them all.

 freeing the Sailors

<Makoto> How is that liberating? ^_-

 and destroying the monster as it sunk into a puddle of water.

<Ami> *adjusts glasses* A-HEM. Ocean of water, as referred to in the previous sentence.

 "SailorMecury!" exclaimed Sailormars

<All> SailorMercury! ><
<Usagi> The new way to cuss! Just pin all the blame on Mercury.

 as she ran up to greet sailormecury, Akai-Chad not far behind,

<Mamoru> Always tagging along like the lost, helpless little puppy he is...

 The other Sailors too got up to greet her. "Congrats Ami!" Mars smiled warmly, "I can't believe you learned a 
new attack!"

<Rei> •fic Rei• Since it's so _obvious_ I'm the only one with any talent whatsoever around here..

 exclaimed Bunny. Their heart-felt moment was broken up by a terrible war cry.

<Mamoru> PURURURURU!!! SHUT UP AND TOUCH THE MONKEY!! ^^
<All> Aah.. nande, Mamoru-kun? o_0
<Mamoru> Well, that was a terrible war cry..
<Usagi> Been watching 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' again, hasn't he.. -.-;

 Up in the sky stood a giant man,

<All> Oooh... 

 eyes glowing red, to match his fiery hair. 

<Mamoru> •as Giant• Somebody help me! My head's on fire!!

"Too bad! She won't live to see another day!"

<Ami> And, might I add, hurray for that.

To be continued…

<Ami> And double hurray for that.
<All> *sigh happily*



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