reviewed by alll three Lights and excepting the inners and outers, who we all know 
would've simply *killed* to be in this review.

SAILOR MOON: DARK JEWEL
by: Marie Kelly
CHAPTER 1


        She was never the type of girl that could be  considered 
beautiful; not by a long shot. She was certainly pleasant to look at; 
that could be denied,  yet she was not the sort of person one would give 
more than a fleeting glance to, perhaps noticing her shock of hair, but 
that  was all she usually got, a fleeting glance.

<Taiki> Aah... *shakes his head in disbelief at the last sentence*
<Yaten> Aw, what's wrong, Taiki, does it bother your grammatical sense?

 Not that she was unhappy. 
Some girls needed to be the center of attention;  they were always 
primping in front of the mirror,

<Seiya> Ha ha, pimping in front of a mirror.
<Taiki> *grabs Seiya's head and redirects it to the screen, pointing at the fanfic* Note the 'r' in 
the word.
<Yaten> Yeah, you doof! *smacks the back of Seiya's head*
<Seiya> *face bashes into the screen* Ouch!

 attempting to gain an aura of glamour 
that they did not have. Certainly, she did her fair  share of primping, 
like any normal fourteen year old. 

<Yaten>  *weird look*  I didn't primp when I was 14, and I consider myself fairly normal.
<Seiya> Yeah, where do you get your statistics from, fanfic author?
<Tsiki> Hello?  We turn into sadomasochistic leather-clad females and go on youma-killing rampages!  
You call that normal?!
<Yaten> Must you always bring that up? >_<
<Seiya> *looks up to Yaten and Taiki's dialogue* Tsiki?
<Taiki> Hrr?
<Seiya> Oh... apparently.. someone misspelled your name, Taiki.
<Taiki> Nani?  Where?
<Seiya> There. *points to line 3 of the dialogue*
<Taiki> Wakatta.  Darn the writers of our dialogue for their incompetence.  Enough of our inane and pointless 
ramblings, it's time to get back to the inane and pointless story.

        Or, rather, she *had*. Yet, somehow, all that seemed silly, and 
childish.  She was still fourteen, and still in Junior High, yet, if you 
asked her about it, she would have said she was a woman beyond her years, 
far more mature than they were.

<Taiki> Just like any other mildly popular, teeny-bopper adolescent girl with delusions of self-grandeur would.

 For she had something none of the other 
girls had.

<Taiki>  Her very own fanficcy!
<Seiya> Her very own lackey.
<Yaten>  Large boo--
<Taiki> *panics and slams his hand down over Yaten's mouth* Are we allowed to say that?  Isn't this review 
censored?
<Yaten> Mmf!
<Seiya>  I.. I dunno... but I'd release Yaten if I were you.
<Yaten> *bites Taiki's finger*
<Taiki> Hey!  *grabs his hand away* ...eeew!  You BIT me!! >.<  Where's the antiseptic?
<Yaten>  Well, it's not my fault you tried to smother me! And anyway, I was just going to say that she had big.. 
*a large bag of cement drops on his head, temporarily relieving Yaten of his review obligations*
<Taiki> *screaming incoherently in the background*  I NEED THE ANTISEPTIC! HE MIGHT HAVE RABIES! 
<Seiya>  *looks at Yaten*  Dammit.  That lucky jerk.

 She had a boyfriend

<Taiki> *smacks forehead*
<Yaten>  This girl has some uncanny resemblances to Usagi..
<Taiki> *in a high, whiny Usagi voice*  I have a boyfriend, so I'm cooler than all of you!  And he's an 
upperclassman! Nyaah!
<Seiya>  Not true! *narrows eyes*  Odango isn't half as idiotic as this.. this thing!
<Yaten> *giggles* Seiya's defending Usagi again! Hee hee hee!
<Seiya> Rrrr... *shakes his fist in a half-threatening manner*

        Her green eyes narrowed, and she pursed her lips. Her boyfriend 
was late.

<Taiki> Either that or he's a figment of her imagination.
<Seiya> Be nice.

 She had rushed here as soon as she could, skipping the last 
class --

<Taiki> She.. she skipped school?! *passes out from shock*
<Yaten> *rolls eyes*  What a wimp.

  science,

<Taiki> * sits back up* NO! Not science!!  She skipped science ! 
<Seiya> Taiki, relax!  You are calm.  Veeeerry calm.  Breathe, Taiki, breathe.

 so she could be here early, not even  bothering to 
change out of her uniform, and he did not even have  the courtesy to get
here on time!
        "Oooh," she muttered, under her breath, making a fist  with  her 
hands.  "When that jerk gets here I'll tell him what  for!

<All> Huh? *raise eyebrows*

 He was SUPPOSED 
to meet me here at three thirty-" she  glanced  at her watch "--and he's 
ALREADY FORTY  minutes late!" 

<Seiya>  You hear that?  He's ALREADY FORTY minutes late.
<Yaten>  Well now, if he'd been thirty-nine minutes and *fourteen* seconds late, she would've gone easy 
on him.
<Seiya> Yeah, but like...
<Yaten> ... he's a guy.
<Seiya> Guys are supposed to be late.
<Taiki>  _I'm_ never late.
<Yaten>  Well, then again, Taiki, you're not exactly what we'd call an average guy... 
<Seiya and Yaten> *snicker*
<Taiki> -_-

 Like all  stereotypical redheads, she was 
prone to anger, which  she usually  managed to temper remarkably.

<Yaten>  Redheads are stereotypically angry?
<Taiki> Hm. *shrugs*
<Princess Kakyuu> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'STEREOTYPICALLY ANGRY'? ARE YOU SAYING I'M ANGRY??! 
*screams at the three boys*
<Taiki>  Point taken, fanfic author. ^^;

        "I'm here! Sorry I'm late, Naru-chan," Umino Gurio said  
apologetically.

<Seiya> Whoa, where'd geek boy come from?
<Yaten> Oh, this is _Naru_!  You know, that girl that everyone completely forgot about after Usagi found herself 
a new set of best friends..


        Osaka Naru crossed her arms, and raised her chin just the slightest
bit. "Why were you late?" she asked bitterly. It wasn't like her to be that 
way, nor was it like Umino to be late. If anything,  he was always 
annoyingly early. 

<Seiya> Or we could shorten that to just plain annoying..

        Umino laughed, a nervous, high pitched giggle. "Well...uh...I was 
kind  of in detention," he finally managed to say. 

<Yaten> Not _exactly_ in detention, but kind of, know what I mean?

        It was Naru's turn to look surprised. "You were in detention?" She 
tried not to keep the disbelief out of her voice. "How did *that* happen?!"

<Taiki> Oh, you know that rambunctious little Umino.  He just had to play the bad nerd and flushed all the toilets 
in school at once. 
 
        "Well, uh..." Umino fidgeted, and Naru looked at him. He was not a 
handsome boy;

<Taiki> *points above*  I have a problem with the way this author keeps sticking semicolons in everywhere during 
descriptions.  It redirects attention from the plot, not that that's a bad thing, I guess, but still....
<Yaten>  It's a divertive tactic.  Very clever!  Hiding the thin plot behind repetitive grammar!

 extremely short, he had short, pale brown hair that stuck up 
in tufts all over his head. Naru wasn't sure *what* color his eyes were, 
since he wore such thick spectacles she had never seen them close up. "I 
was....I brought my ant farm  for science class and Usagi tripped over it 
and-"
        Naru held up her hand for him to stop.

<Yaten> *sings.. badly* In the naaaame of loooove! Before you break her heart... 

Usagi.

<Yaten> Tamahome?
<Seiya> Naw, it's Usagi, you twit.
<Taiki> *gasps*
<All> *in freaky hoarse voices* Usagi!
<Seiya> Where? *looks around*
*All turn and look at the door as it creaks open and Usagi leans her head in*
<Usagi> Hi guys!  How's it going? ^_^  Having fun?
<All> *blink* Uh... hi..
<Taiki>  Wait!  Usagi!!  The door is open!!  We can escape! *leaps up and scrambles over just as Usagi steps in 
and the door locks behind her*
<Usagi>  Huh? *gets bowled over by the flying Taiki*
<Yaten>  Aw damn.
<Usagi> @_@ A-anooo... Taiki... san....
<Taiki> *beats his head against the floor in frustration*

 He didn't have to 
say any more. She knew what had happened. Somehow, thanks  to  Usagi, 
Umino's ant farm had opened, and the ants had gone scurrying  all over 
the place.

<Seiya>  Why was it sitting in the middle of the floor?  She tripped over it, right?  Then why couldn't he have 
just put it on a shelf or something?
<Yaten>  That wouldnt've helped 'cause Usagi's such a magnet for accidents... no matter where he'd put it, she 
would've broken it.
<Usagi>  *glares unappreciatively at Yaten*

 "I don't see why you have to get in trouble for what Usagi 
did!" she cried, her voice uncharacteristically angry. 

<Taiki> Dude, why did he bring his ant farm to school in the first place? 
<Seiya> *chuckles* Because he's a fruitbasket.

        Umino was the kind of person who had, as his greatest weakness,  
the inability to lie. "Well, uh, I wasn't supposed to  bring it to school
....so I got into trouble for that."
        "It's still Usagi's fault," Naru said.

<Yaten> No it's not, you dumbass. He SAID he wasn't s'posed to bring it to school!

 "Where is she?" 
        "She's still at detention. What's wrong with you, Naru? I've never 
seen  you act like this. Usagi's your best friend!"
        {Yes, yes,} thought Naru bitterly. {That scatterbrained, lazy, 
food-stuffing

<Yaten>  Usagi stuffs food?

 girl who couldn't pass a test if her life depended on it is 
my best friend. Ain't life grand?}

<Taiki>  Yep, it is.
<Seiya>  Never mind the fact that we are in fanfiction HELL right now. ^_^
<Usagi>  Naru seems a bit psychotic in this story..
<Yaten>  At least this fanfic's punctuation is more or less on the mark.. we've had much worse.  We should be 
grateful we didn't have to review Next Gen with Ami and the rest.
<Seiya> Yeah, after what happened to Mamoru in there, I began to get a little worried about the effect of REALLY 
bad fanfics on our psyches.
<Usagi>  But Mamoru's fine now.  A little Prozac and a few Tylenol later he's as good as new!

 She smiled, for Umino, and said to him, 
"Yes, you're right. Usagi may be a ditz, but she  *is* my best friend!"
        "Naru, I made you something," said Umino, sensing that  not all was 
right with Naru.

<Taiki> Paper mache hats. *holds up newspaper hat with a goofy grin* 

He couldn't tell what it was, but there  was something 
distinctively  wrong

<Seiya> Taiki, is distinctively a word? ^_-
<Taiki> Yes, Seiya, you illiterate buffoon, yes it is.
<Seiya>  Oh yeah?  Same to you and your grandmother. *sticks tongue out*
<Taiki> *look of shock* H-hey!
<Seiya> Nerd!  Studious rhododendron!  I mock thee! *grabs Taiki around the neck and noogies him*
<Yaten> *is entertaining himself with Taiki's French dictionary* Moins vite.. ou... creve.  Hee hee.
<Taiki> *in between noogies* Give.. me.. back... my... dictionary!
<Yaten> Oh, je pense ce sont mes chaussettes que vous reniflez. (I think you smell my socks.)
<Taiki> *sobs* Why me?!

 with his ladylove. No matter. He  knew how to cheer 
her up.

<Yaten> *gulps* I don't want to know what he's gonna do.
<Taiki> Oh, come on, you KNOW that's not what it means!

        "Ta-da!" he cried,

<Yaten> Ack! *covers his eyes*

 holding a covered plate of food in front of her. 

<Yaten> .. oh.

"I cooked you something special. Guess what?"

<Yaten> Uh... you're a loser?

        It was spicy shrimp. What else could it be?

<Yaten>  Broiled shrimp.
<Seiya>  Really funny-looking miniature lobsters.
<Taiki>  And that's just for starters.
<Seiya>  How 'bout some flaming teriyaki with a side dish of tortilla chips?
<Taiki> Sure.. the possibilities are limitless.

 The boy didn't  have 
much of an  ability to cook, and his imagination was so lacking that all he 
ever did cook was spicy shrimp.

<Seiya>  Damn that kid.

 Still, Naru had to admit, he made a 
wonderful plate of the tongue biting curls.

<Seiya> Gack! Tongue-biting curls?!
<Yaten>  *picks up a curler and bites it* AAIIIEE!  It's stuck on my tongue!!
<Taiki> *sighs and looks at the ceiling in exasperation*

"Oh, Umino," Naru said, shyly. 

<Yaten> Hee hee, you look so sexy holding that plate of spicy shrimp. ; )
<Seiya> *snickers*

"I couldn't possibly guess."
                "Come on, guess," he prodded her gently. This was a fun 
game they played, one the shy young gentleman enjoyed immensely.

<Seiya>  Pro'lly cause he won't ever enjoy any *ahem* other games with Naru.
<Usagi> *elbows him*  Stop that!

 Even 
though he knew Naru knew what it was -- she *must*, for not only was it the 
only thing he cooked, but the spicy smell was beg- inning

<Taiki> Hmm... beg- inning. I don't even know how to begin on that one.
<Yaten>  Then don't, Mr. Grammatically Correct. ^_-

 to waft up from 
the covering--he still appreciated her playing the game with him.

<Usagi> The weird things we girls have to do to please you.. *huffs*

        "TA-DA!" he finally shouted, pulling the cover off. "Spicy  
Shrimp!"

<Seiya>  Look who's talking, Umino! 

        "Oh, Umino!" Naru pretended to act surprised. "For me? You 
shouldn't have!"

<Taiki> *bored* No. Really. You shouldn't have. I'm.. so.. flattered.

        "Food?!?!" an all too familiar voice greeted them. "I love food!" 

<All> Aaaahh!!! It's Marlon Brando!!
<Seiya> *dives under his desk*

Usagi appeared, drooling over the plate.

<Seiya> Oh... *reappears in his seat*
<Usagi>  What the...?  Surely that can't be _me_.

Without even waiting  to be asked, 
Usagi "dug in",

<Taiki> Note the intricate use of the "quote" signs to enhance the readers' experience of the fanfic. 
*wiggles fingers*
<Usagi>  I can "dig" it.
<Yaten> "Check" it out, "man," I'm using "quotes" too! *also makes quote gesture with fingers*
<All> *make quote gestures with fingers*


 using her hands to shovel food into her  mouth at a rapid 
pace, not even bothering to chew properly.

<Taiki> *hack hack* Mmf.. ah'm choking, Nuhruuu..! Canna.. breethe.. GHACK!! *FLOP*
<Usagi> That'll teach you not to inhale food through your nose, you feelthy peeg. *lapses into B-movie gypsy role* I
will tell-a your fortune, on'y feefty dollah!
<Seiya> I'll give you feefty dollars if you strip for me. *boisterous grin*
<All> 0_o;
<Seiya> *innocent* What? 
*CLUNK*
<Usagi drops the ornamental fishtank on Seiya's cranium.>

 Within  a space of time of less 
than a minute, the plate of spicy shrimp was empty, and a very full Usagi 
sat in front of them. 
        Naru looked angrily at her friend. Usagi was wearing her school 
uniform, complete with the special brooch she always wore.

<Usagi>  And this is pertinent because...?
<Seiya> Heheh, the "special" brooch.
<Taiki>  Yes, the one that makes her stand out from all the rest of the _normal_ students.
<Yaten> Usagi is "special". Heheh.

  Naru had no 
idea how she was able to get away with wearing it;

<Taiki> See!  There they go again with the semicolons! *points up*
<Seiya> Easy, Taiki, settle.  We know how much it bugs you out. *pats Taiki on the shoulder*

  every time she had the 
slightest discrepancy with her uniform she was punished! Usagi's long, blond
hair was pulled up into two  ponytails, which hung from odango like buns of 
hair on either  side of her head. 

<Usagi> And again I'll ask:  what exactly does this have to do with anything?   Doesn't _everybody_ know what I look 
like by now?

        "Usagi!" Umino sounded sad. "Those shrimp were for Naru and I."

<Yaten>  Oh, boo hoo, you ate my shrimp.
<Taiki> *as Umino* I.. I think.. I'm going to cry...

 That
was the extent of what Umino would say; he never  could get into arguments 
with Usagi. Naru however, could say  more. 

<Usagi> *Naru* I can say my ABC's and my 123's!

        "USAGI-CHAN!" she yelled. "You are being way too selfish!  Umino 
made those shrimp as a special feast for the two of us!  Who said you could 
eat them?"

<Usagi>  Mamoru did!  So there! *sticks her tongue out*
<Mamoru> *opens door and walks in*  Hey, 'sup, you called?
<Taiki>  No! Wait! Mamoru!! Hold that door! *flies at light speed toward the exit*
<Mamoru> *closes the door just in time for Taiki to bang headfirst into it*
<Mamoru>  Oops.
<Usagi> Oh, tee hee, it's my Mamo-chan!
<Yaten> Taiki, man, are you ok? o_0
<Taiki> *slams his head into the door repeatedly* Blast it!  Blast it all!
<Yaten> Um, guess not.

        "But I was hungry," Usagi whined. 

<Yaten>  So what?  That's a pretty useless excuse.
<Seiya> *whines* ..but I'm schizophrenic!

        "How?"

<Usagi>  Well, you see, in order to maintain my metabolism, every few hours or so I have to digest a number of 
articles of sustinance...
<Mamoru>  Alright, alright, thanks for the explanation, Usagi, I think that's enough.
<Usagi>  But..!
<Mamoru> No, zip the lip. *makes a zipping motion*
<Usagi> Tee hee, ok! : ) *resumes her usual vacant look*

        "Well, I was late for school and I forgot my lunch, so..."
        Naru had heard *those* excuses before. "It doesn't matter, 
Usagi-chan," she said seriously. "You had no right to eat our shrimp  
without asking.

<Seiya>  Shrimp-devouring as war..
<Yaten> So serious about their shrimp, aren't they?

 Maybe if you got up earlier, and were more careful..."

<Yaten> .. when you cross the street..
<Taiki> *THUMP* Damn pedestrians, hit another one. Ooh, this one had spicy shrimp for lunch!
<Usagi> .. you sick, sick person. ><

 she 
let her voice trail off meaningfully. 
        Usagi looked up at Naru, and suddenly she understood. 

<Usagi> Ohh, I see! Two wrongs DO make a right! A stitch in two saves thirty-three! 
Reality is only as it APPEARS to be! Everything makes sense now!
<Yaten> •Naru• Usagi... shut up.
<Usagi> Ok.

"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! You're as mean as Rei!" she cried,

<Taiki> *shudders* Sheesh, what a ditz.
<Usagi> Hey!
<Mamoru>  Leave it to Usagi to enterpret everything as criticism.

tears flying from 
her big blue eyes. 

<Seiya> Can't blame 'em...
<Taiki> Freedom from that horrible wailing thing!  We're free! FREEEEEE!!

        Naru and Umino exchanged glances, and each had a giant sweatdrop on 
the back of their heads, as they listened to  Uagi's childish wail. 

<Taiki> Why, how odd.
<Yaten>  Is this some sort of unusual medical condition?
<Seiya> Aha! E.S.S., Enormous Sweatdrop Syndrome!
<Mamoru> •Umino• Well, I think it sounds sort of like Bach... a very screechy Bach... Naru?
<Yaten> •Naru• I think it sounds like Uagi whining again.
<Mamoru> .. who's Uagi?

        "Come on, Umino," Naru stood up. "Let's go home."

<Mamoru> Oho, so they live together, eh?
<Usagi>  Mamo-chan. ^_-

        "But what about Usagi?"

<Yaten>  Oh, she'll be fine. Just leave her a few doggie treats and a bowl of water.

        Naru looked at Usagi, continuing to act like a small child.

<Taiki> According to the structure of that sentence it is Naru who is acting like a small child, not Usagi. *points 
up matter-of-factly*

 "Let's 
go," she repeated, more firmly. 
        Naru started walking away, and Umino followed her.  He was more 
certain than ever that there was something.... wrong.....with Naru,

<Seiya> Most noticably that she's in a bad fanfic.
<Yaten> He just doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that Naru's messed up in countless ways, one being that her 
name is 'Molly' and she comes right outta the Bronx.
<Mamoru> But we ARE dealing with the original version here, aren't we?
<Yaten> It SHOULD be set in the NA version. Seems about as trite and confusing as that..

 but 
couldn't place his finger on it.  Umino was deep in thought, as she walked 
by. {So, I'm like Rei!} Her thoughts on that subject were angry, and, yes, 
the slightest bit hurt.

<Usagi> Bleh, understandably.  Who wants to be like Rei?  
<Seiya> Ooh, I do! Me! *sappy grin*
<Usagi> Yeah, but you're weird.  I meant that nobody _normal_ would want to be like Rei.
<Taiki> Zing!
<Seiya> -_- Ouch.

{Usagi has so many new friends...the least she could 
do is introduce me to them!} She gave a small  glance back at Umino, who was
following her.

<Yaten> *condescending* Scram, lumpy.

 Was it time? Yes. Again. Tonight.

<Three Lights> Waiting for toniiight.. ooooh!
<Seiya> *trills in a falsetto* Ay-yi-yi!
<Usagi and Mamoru> Blegh! Jennifer Lopez!

 A thrill filled her, and she
walked faster. 

<Mamoru> Whoa whoa, now!  Getting a little *too* excited there, Naru!
<Yaten> I do NOT want to know why she's getting so thrilled. >.<

        "Naru! Slow down!" Umino panted. "I'm not as fast as you," he added, 
unnecessarily.

<Seiya and Yaten> *barely suppressed snickering ensues.*

 Forcing a smile, Naru slowed down and turned to Umino.

<Yaten> I said scram, lumpy. I'm giving you to the count of three.

 "Oh, 
I'm so sorry,"  she said. The two held hands...Naru  noticing with distaste 
how cold and clammy Umino's was,

<Yaten>  Umino has only one hand?
<Usagi> Yeew. >_<

 and went to Naru's apartment. "We can get 
something to eat at my place."

<Seiya> Some _dessert_ to chase down that spicy shrimp. *wiggles eyebrows*
<Yaten>  Oh boy! *laughs evilly*

        "Hello, Osaka-san," the doorman greeted her. He nodded to Umino, 
recognizing him yet not knowing his name. 

<Yaten> What was it again... Lumpy something? *scratches head quizzically*
<Usagi> What IS it with you and the Lumpy thing?

        "Hello Kei-san," Naru made small talk. "How are you?"
        "Fine, thanks. Who's your friend?"    

<Usagi>  *Naru voice* What? Oh, him?  Dunno.  Some nerd who followed me home.  He looked so sad and lonely that I 
couldn't leave him all by himself, outside in the cold. *pats Mamoru on the head* Right, Umino?
<Mamoru> Woof.
  
        "His name's Umino Gurio," Naru said. "We're going up to  study."

<Taiki> No hanky-panky going on here, sir. Absolutely none, nosirree. *whistles*

        "Study?" Umino was confused. "But, Naru, you said you wanted us to 
go up to your apartment and-"

<Seiya> Heh HEH!

        Naru, noticing the strange looks Kei was giving  her, giggled."No, 
I *didn't*, Umino," she said, through  clenched teeth.

<All> Actually, um, yes, you did..
<Usagi> .. you liar.

 She grabbed him 
firmly by his

<Seiya> Dog collar..

 upper arm, and half dragged him up the stairs to where her 
apartment was. The elevator worked perfectly well, yet her apartment was 
closer to the stairs and, besides that, it would have been *too* awkward to 
wait for the elevator. She fumbled  through the pockets of her school dress,

<Usagi> Er.. we have pockets..? Of this I was unaware.
<Taiki> Thank heavens you have Naru to point these things out to you.

extracted the key, unlocked the door, and opened it.

<Taiki> 'She opened the door.' Stop dragging out actions!

  "Umino!" she cried 
out.

<Yaten> Rabid door! Run away!!

 "Why did you say that?"
        "Say what?" Umino was perplexed. "I don't believe  in lying, Naru.

<Seiya> *Umino* I will never lie down, I will never lay in the grass, and I will never LIE, Naru. Do we have an understanding?
<Usagi> *Naru* But.. if you just reasonably reclined...
<Seiya> NEVER! I'll sleep standing up if that's what it takes!
 
It's not right.

<Seiya> As a matter of fact, it's WRONG.

 Besides," he added, "You didn't invite me up her to study. 
You invited me up here for dinner."
        "Dinner?" Naru was genuinely surprised, although perhaps she 
shouldn't have been. 
        "Yeah, what did you think I was going to say?"

<Seiya> Umm.. quick, lousy sex?

"Ummm...nothing," Naru said. 

<Seiya> Yup.

        It was time. She could wait no longer. She had  done it before; it 
wasn't that difficult. Poor Umino.  She could almost feel sorry for him. 

<Seiya>  The poor kid just lacks the stamina and the knowhow. *snickers*
<Yaten> *covers his mouth and snorts, attempting not to laugh*
<Usagi> ...

        Naru gestured to the couch.

<Taiki> Seats three comfortably.
<Usagi> I made it with all the spare spicy shrimp you gave me.
<Taiki> Goes to show that they're good for something, at least.

 "Sit down," she said, brightly. "I've 
got some things to do." {Or rather, some *thing*,} for it was only one 
thing that had to be done. 

<Seiya> Ho HO! *nudges Mamoru and Yaten*
<Yaten>  YOU know! ; )
<Usagi>  Perverts! Dame! Cease and desist at once!! >_<
<Mamoru>  Are we about to witness the nerd mating ritual?
<Usagi> AAAHH!!! NO! *covers her ears frenziedly*

        Purposefully, Naru strode towards her mother's chest. She already 
had the key; she had stolen it before she went to school. Her mother had 
already left for work, and so did not notice that it was missing. There was 
large cabinet, locked.

<Seiya> There was little lumpy man, striving for correct grammar.
<Usagi> One more lumpy man comment from you and I weel predeect awful pain in your future. Feelthy peeg.

 In that cabinet was only one thing...and that was 
what she needed. 

<Mamoru> YOU know. 'Protection.'
<Usagi> Iiiee! No no no! Cut that out, Mamo-chan! *shakes head back and forth, wailing*
<Seiya>  Hey, it's a fact of life, Odango, get used to it.
<Taiki> *turns his head slightly away from the fanfic, attempting to hide his disgust*

        Naru made short work of it, and soon the object of her desire was 
cradled within her hand.

<Seiya and Yaten> *about to burst out laughing, eyes watering, doubled over*
<Yaten> *nudges Seiya* O-oh Umino!  Spicy shrimp!
*Both crack up and fall out of their chairs and roll around on the floor, laughing madly.*
<Mamoru> *snickers*
<Usagi> NO, Mamo-chan!  Not you too! *grabs onto his shirt sleeve*
<Seiya> Sp-spicy s-shrimp! A HA HA!!!
<Usagi>  I don't get it... 
<Mamoru> *snickers*

 A silver jewel, it was not particularly special to 
the naked eye, and probably would not be worth much on the market. Naru 
didn't know. For some reason, her mother had never tried to sell it, 
claiming it as a family heirloom.

<Taiki> Isn't that just the way. Have an old piece of junk, call it an 'heirloom'.. sheesh.

 Never mind the reason. The important 
thing is that it was here. 

<Seiya> But if it's here.. then.. where are we?

        Naru raised it over her head, and chanted, channeling her energy. 

<Usagi> Ah!  Naru's a psychic friend!

The stone began to glow green,  slight at first, then greater, until it 
seemed that  the glow could no longer be contained within the jewel.
        "Naru...?" Umino sounded nervous, as he walked  up behind her. 
"What's going on? What are you doing?"

<Taiki> *Naru* Can't you see that I'm channeling the essence of Aunt Tippy into this pet rock?
<Mamoru>  If I were you I'd stop asking questions and run away.

        Naru shouted out the final words of the incantation. 

<Seiya>  Ah!  Naru's a witch!
<Usagi> Ooh. : (

 Then, the 
glow from the stone shot out like ribbons,  engulfing Umino. 
"Wha--!" he cried, agony in his voice.  Naru--!"

<Seiya> Yes, her name is Naru.
<Taiki> You would be correct, sir. *buck-toothed grin*

 Then he was silent, saying 
no more,  as the green ribbons encircled him and entered him,

<Seiya> .. now if he were female, that might make a SLIGHT bit of sense.
<Usagi> Make another lumpy comment. Please. *rips off her seat cushion and hoists it over her head* I want 
to hit you so badly.

 completely 
taking over him. Looking the other way, Naru smiled. Yes...yes...this was
the way it had to be. 
        Soon it was over, the green glow faded, and then died altogether. 

<Taiki> You killed Aunt Tippy!

Naru made certain to put the jewel back in its place, and locked it up. 
        "Hello, love," she said, softly, slowly turning  around. 
Umino was gone.

<Yaten> *as Naru* Oh, I mean.. uh, goodbye, love?  Umino..? Aw, dammit.  I've really got to stop attacking him 
with ribbons.
<Seiya>  Poor kid's probably huddled in some corner by now, scared and suffering from an acute case of ribbon 
paranoia.

 In his place was another.

<Usagi>  Well, that's ok, she'll just use the replacement Umino. 
<All> *nod in understanding* Ah.

He  seemed to be in some sort of 
invisible shield, for his feet wavered a few inches off the ground.

<Seiya> Umino's got a poltergeist infection. *weird look* 

He was 
clothed in gray trousers, and a purple undershirt.

<Seiya> Eww, fashion faux paux.

 His top was ripped,

<Mamoru>  And Naru resorts to calling in the male strippers!

 and 
evil looking scars crossed his chest and back. His hair was quite beautiful.
It fell  well past his shoulders, with a slight wave and auburn  coloring. 

<Taiki>  It would appear that Umino is channeling the essence of Weird Al.

His head was  bowed, and his bright blue eyes,  though open,  seemed to see 
nothing.  It was obvious he was a very tall, and extremely handsome, man.

<Usagi> Well, at least we closed with something definitive...
<Taiki> Usually nothing can be trusted in the land of crappy fanfiction.
<Mamoru> And hey, we're done. The end. Let's scram, lumpy.
<Seiya> :)
<Usagi> Ooohh... *WHAM!*
<Mamoru> Owies.


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