Well, it's been well over two years since the original Next Generation was written... and a rewrite by the frustrated author has been LONG overdue. Yes, of course I'm going to review it. Wouldn't you? Things to expect: snazzy new Japanese names (ooh!), more in-depth character study (aaah!), and, of course, better grammar.. we think. (awww.) Despite the title image for this page, I do NOT hate Destiny Marie's writings. It's part of my job to be a mean, mean little commentator. Perhaps if this site ever goes mainstream I'll have to mellow out a bit, but until then, I'll be EVIL. EEEVIL! MWAHAHAHAH!!! And now, the long-awaited rescripting of NG.Neflite Hills Orphanage
Mikomi Urawa sat comforted in her easy chair
<Ami> Sitting in this comfortable chair is so... comforting. <Makoto> Hey, if memory serves me correctly, wasn't this chick named Amanda Mizuno last time? <Minako> Yes. didn't you read the intro? <Makoto> *scratches head* No.... <Mamoru> Well then, you're in for a surprise. A couple of 'em, matter of fact.. <Makoto> Damn. Why has this got to be so complicated?
writing in her diary. It seemed that was the only thing that could comfort her these days.
<Usagi> A good bean over the head with a baseball bat would comfort her. Permanently.
Her life was disheartening.
<Rei> It was also daunting, dissatisfying, uncheery, gloomy, abismal.. um.. *flips a page in her Thesaurus* ..disconsolate, opressive, dreary... <Usagi> .. I think I need one of those.
Her father, Ryo, died when Mikomi was only two.
<All> Well, damn.
Her mother was reported missing, probably taken as a prisoner of war. Mikomi missed her mother. Her mother was so intellectual and so open-minded.
<Minako> Most strippers are, contrary to popular opinion. <Usagi> *shocked* Wh.. what? <Minako> Oh, nothing.. really. @_@
But of course, that was a year ago. Mikomi was fourteen now, not that awkward age of thirteen.
<Mamoru> As MOST self-inserts know, the moment one reaches age 14 all previous problems are solved, the body becomes perfect, and the voice is no longer squeaky. <Usagi> The SI also realizes that, upon reaching age 14, he can write a raunchy lemon scene involving any character from Evangelion without it being morally incorrect.
Of course, it didn't help that she hated this orphanage. It used to be a boarding school, but it was abandoned in the 1940's, during World War II.
<Ami> Aah, good handle on historic facts often indicates knowledgable author. Very good, young cicada, you have proven your mastery of the historic arts! <Minako> Grasshopper, sensei.. the term is grasshopper... <Ami> I do hope you know the year in which the War of 1898 began, young pupa. <Minako> ..grass..hopper.. *snicker*
After WNW started, they opened it again because of all the tragic killing and disappearances. She hated it. It was so ancient and gothic,
<Rei> In stark contrast to the old one, which consisted of a playground and a bunch of idiots. 0_o <Ami> Well, the authoress said she wanted to change it.. drastically.
but she got good grades in the tutoring program, which was allowing her to transfer to a county orphanage. The county orphanages were so much better than the city orphanages.
<Mamoru> That's what you think, you snob!
... Continue
<All> If we had any choice in the matter, we would say no.
Neflite Hills Orphanage She was going to miss her easy chair but her diary was coming with her.
<Ami> *sobs* I.. I'm leaving you for my diary, easy chair. I know my diary's beaten me before, but... this time I'm sure he's changed!
There was no way she was letting that thing go.
<Minako> I'll never let go, Jack... off. <All> Minako!! >< <Minako> I HATE THAT DAMN MOVIE! IT MADE ME CRY!
The diary has started the day her mom was reported missing. Before the kenpei (military police) searched her house,
<Rei> Ooh, ooh, important Japanese word inserted! Author trying to show off special language skills! <Ami> I wish the author would leave out the explanation of the word and make us guess its meaning.
Mikomi grabbed the first thing she found of her mother's.
<Makoto> •Mikomi• What's this..? Fuzzy pink lingerie?
It happened to be a journal her mother never wrote in.
The journal even reminded Mikomi of her mom. There was an angel on the front, accompanied by
<Minako> A screaming Shinji? <Ami> Cute, but no.
stars and a moon in the corner.
<Rei> *nods* Yes, yes, mm-hmm... <All> *snore*
Sometimes Mikomi would just stare at it to try to remember her mother.
<Mamoru> *whispers to Makoto* Good god, she's _dull_...!
There was a knock at her door.
<Minako> Hey! *sings* You can ring my bell! <All> *chorus* Ring my bell, my bell, ding ding ding ding ding...
"Mikomi," said the man behind the door.
<Mamoru> •man• Why did you hit me in the face with the door?
"Are you done packing yet?"
<Ami> Mommy told me not to talk to strangers.
Mikomi jumped out of her easy chair. "Just a minute, Mr. Rose." She quickly put her diary into the suitcase and zippered it up. "Now I'm done," she said
<Mamoru> Ah, this plot. It is so hard to follow. <Minako> Yes. Such witty dialogue, too. I'm on the literal edge of my seat..
as she opened the door, suitcase in hand.
<Usagi> *bored* Intesne suitcase-carrying action. Thrill as Mikomi lugs her carryon baggage down the hall. <Makoto> Yeah, get out of here, you simp! And don't come back!..
... Continue
<All> Again, how much we wish we didn't have to. <Mamoru> The damn music is driving me insane. <Ami> Yes, why did the author feel the need to put this horrible midi business on _each_ and _every_ part of the story? It doesn't add to the atmosphere at all.. in fact, it's horribly annoying. <Pendrell> Oh, is it? So sorry. Here, why don't I.. turn it up a bit? <All> *groan* <Pendrell> Nobody likes soft midis, but everybody likes LOUD muzak. *cheerily turns up the volume*
As she and Mr. Rose walked through the lobby, Mikomi quietly said her goodbyes to the orphanage cheerfully. They went into the car parked outside the orphanage.
<Mamoru> And they just sat there.
It was about a two-hour drive to Beryl Manors, the new orphanage.
<Mamoru> Ahh. Continuity! <Minako> It is making more sense to me now! Hurray!
Right now would be the perfect time to describe Mikomi Urawa.
<All> *sigh* <Ami> Can't you just skip the intro? There's a dorky picture of her to the left of the fanfic; I think that speaks more than enough for your idea of this 'Mikomi'. Oh, for those of you reading..click on my dialogue to see the blue-haired fruitcake that is Mikomi. Heh heh. <All> *ogle picture warily* <Ami> I know, I know, this is the one who's basically me with a really shabby haircut. But I promise I _won't_ go insane while reading this time. I am prepared for this. <Minako> We'd be more prepared if we had some grenades and assault rifles.
Mikomi was a small teenager for fourteen years old. She had shoulder length blue hair, deep blue eyes and a very light complexion. She looked much like her mother, Ami Mizuno.
<Ami> Grrrr... <Makoto> Down, Ami. Down...
She didn't have any friends except for the diary.
<Rei> And even that's eventually gonna get burned.
That's why the old orphanage was so hard to miss. Mikomi had no one to miss there.
<Mamoru> Oh well. That's because she sucks and nobody SHOULD like her. Nyaah.
... Continue
<Rei> Boooo! Hiss! <All throw popcorn at the screen.> <Pendrell> HEY! Where'd that popcorn come from?! <Mamoru> Oh! Well, you remember last time we spoke. <Pendrell> What about it? <Minako> Well, you said we could feel free to renovate just a bit, you know, make the place more liveable! <Pendrell> And? <Usagi> So we installed this popcorn machine. <Pendrell> Such luxuries are not allowed! Get rid of it immediately! <Ami> Aw. Then I suppose keeping the soda machine and the bar is out of the question. <Pendrell> Soda machine? Bar? Of course it's out of the question! Remove them asap!! <Rei> And the barkeep, well... what'll we do with him? We can't jettison the barkeep. <Pendrell> BARKEEP??! >< <Rei> *surprised* Why, yes, we thought it'd be nice to have someone who'll make a White Russian or two for us when we're stressed out after a long day of fanfic reviewing. <Minako> His name is Steve. ^^ <Pendrell> WHAT!?!!! .. Steve? Oh, Steve? *looks around*
<Steve appears on the vid monitor alongside the senshi. Instead of the regulation lab coat and green jingly elf hat, he is wearing a pair of pink bermuda shorts, a loose-fitting orange shirt, and a black bowtie. He holds up a bottle of vodka in a salute.> <Steve> Hiyoh, master! <Pendrell> AAAHH!!! How did you get over there?!! 0o <Steve> I shoved myself through the fanficulator. <Minako> Yeah, and now he's gonna party down with US! Whoo whoooo! *pumps fist and guzzles a bottle of whiskey* <Pendrell> But..... I.... aw. Poopie. <Mamoru> Sorry, you know we'd love to invite you and all, but... *leans in close to the screen* between you and me, I don't think the Satellite of Lethargy can handle many more party people onboard. It'd strain the oxygen supply. <Pendrell> I built that ship. Its oxygen supply is limitless, Chiba-kun! -_- <Mamoru> Oh! Dandy! Well, we gotta get goin' now, hittin' the next chapter of the fanfic after we relax in the sauna for a while. Catch ya later! *BLIP*
<The screen goes blank. Pendrell turns to Secil, looking somewhat blank herself.> Secil: Aww. There there, professor, you're still an evil genius. You just have to come up with some way to quash their fun. You can do it... I believe in you! *starts playing an upbeat tune on the piano* Pendrell: *fumes* Yes. Yes, that's right. Spoil their little party. Yeeessss. I'm STILL the god! STILL THE GOD!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Meanwhile, Hime Meiou
<Ami> 'Hem... should be Meiou Hime, not the other way around, if you're going for original. <Rei> .. they named her Princess? <Mamoru> Yeah? So? Better than Jenny or Jess or, heaven forbid, Banesusa. <Rei> *disgusted* I know.. but... they named her Princess!
cleaned up her dorm room to get ready for her new roommate. Hime hated getting new roommates.
<Mamoru> Especially ones created by self-inserting losers.
She was just getting used to her old roommate, Mish.
<All> -- mash, I was takin' a bath, all about a Saturday nite... <Minako> Wait, wait, that was 'splish splash,' not 'mish mash'. <All> Oh.
Mish had grown of age and was allowed out of Beryl Manors. Soon, that time would come for Hime. In only a couple months, Hime would be seventeen. That wasn't much time to get to know her new roommate.
<All> Yes.. uh huh... *snoring* <Mamoru> *murmurs* Good god, she's _dull_... <Usagi> NG2: starring Mikomi as the One-Dimensional Lead and Hime as the Really Dull One-Dimensional Sidekick. <Mamoru> *whimpers* It's all too true..
She cleanly dusted off the things on her dresser.
<Rei> Cleanly dusted? Hmm. I don't suppose one can dirty-dust?
There was one thing she was especially careful with, the
<Rei> -- large, purple key-shaped object with the sign that says, "DO NOT TOUCH UNLESS YOU WANT TO STOP TIME AND DIE." Right?
one picture of her mother. It was old and definitely weathered. It wasn't exactly the best picture of her mother, but it worked for Hime. She had no idea what happened to her mother.
<Usagi> She had you. She was so disgusted with herself that she left... never to return... <Mamoru> You know, that's probably right. The truth hurts, eh, Mish. <Minako> That's Hime. <Mamoru> I don't care.
All she knew was that she had been in this orphanage for a very long time.
<All> We have been in this theater for a very long time. <Pendrell> You have not! Only five minutes! <Ami> It feels like an eternityyy... *groans*
She was always afraid to ask what happened. Whatever it was, Hime knew it was bad, otherwise she wouldn't be in this place. ...
<All> ... <Mamoru> ZZZ! Darnit! How.. how DULL! We want some action! Blow up the orphanage, do _something_!
Continue
<All> Can we STOP yet? Pleeaaase? <Pendrell> No. Two more chapters for you! Ha ha! Then it's straight to bed, bonzos! <Rei> We are not small children! You will not dictate our bedtime!! >< <Pendrell> Wanna bet, Hino? *sets the Torture Implimentation Device to Light Roast and zaps the senshi.. nicely.* <All> Gguuhh.. 0_o <Pendrell> Now see, I did that because I love you. And you need to know your boundaries, you see. <Rei> You are like the abusive boyfriend among mad scientists. You show us appreciation through torture! <Pendrell> *reddens* Awww, how sweet of you to say so. Well, enough flattery. Out you go! <All> YEAH! *run like the wind out of the theater*
