*WARNING*

weirdity and stupid stuff ahead.

This is a story based in another world where a young man returns to the role of a super hero once more to combat evil the way he 
sees fit.

<Taiki>  ...by punishing evil with excruciatingly painful fanfics!
<Seiya>  I hate it already.  Ohh, my head hurts... I need some Advil.

 There are beings you may have never heard of in this world but some are good and some are very evil.

<All> Surprise, surprise.
<Yaten>  Well, let's get this freak show on the road.  The less we say, the faster it'll go..



The Return of A Hero. 

<Yaten> And the subsequent exit of the tortured reviewers.
*all sneak to the door*
<Pendrell> Ohh, no ya don't!  Back!  Back inside!!  *blocks doorway*  Or else you shall DIE. *waves spear around menacingly*
<All> ... on second thought...

A young man is running from something

<Seiya> Ah!  There we go!  What a touching story, are we done now? 
<Taiki> Oh, stop it already.  You're not helping our situation at all.

he would only believe to be in his dreams.

<Seiya>  That's right, because really it's one big, disgusting nightmare.  Or for us, at least.

 He's wearing a blue shirt and white pants

<Yaten> Just a regular fashion paradigm, eh...
<Seiya>  Great story.  Loved the ending.  Can we leave yet?

 along with a necklace that bears a blue and white emblem and black leather jacket draped over his right shoulder. He has brown 
eyes and hair, he just moved to this place with his dog earlier in the day and never thought to encounter a monster his first night 
out looking aroung the city. 

<Taiki> Punctuation... slowly.... killing.. me...
<Seiya> Verb tense needs a little re-tensing.
<Yaten>  So the guy just moved in with his DOG??
<All> -_-
<Yaten> And he even forgot to think of meeting the monster that night?  Why, he's just so inconsiderate.  Standing that poor 
monster up!

I have to get away from this thing and get to an open area to get some help and if I can't find help I'll have to fight this thing by 
myself.

<Taiki>  My sentiments exactly.

  I thought turning down a street and running into the lot of a temple.

<Seiya> Whoooa, hey guys, he can think... and he ran into the Lot of a temple.  What is Abraham's son doing in Japan?

 " Jason your energy will help my caussse." 

<Seiya> Sstoooop ddooooiing tthhhaaaaaatt!
<Yaten>  Maybe now the, ahem, 'thing' will kill him.

the monster hissed " to help my master conquer the Earth and the rest of the Universe."

<All> Duh!
<Seiya> It's what every other freakin' villain wants.

 "Never I'd rather die than help any force of evil."

<All>  We'd rather you just die anyway.

 I shouted falling on my side after dodging the monster's blast. "You won't have to if we have anything to say about it." called a 
voice from the darkness of the temple.
Five girls each supporting the same outfit with only minor changes in hair & outfit color along with hair styles came running out of 
the temple doors.

<Yaten>  So these 5 girls come in carrying this huge ornamental outfit over their heads.  And, whooa, they have hairstyles.  
<Taiki>  And then they just sort of... run back out of the temple.  Maybe this guy WILL get killed soon after all!

 In the lead was a blond haired girl, her hair done up with two buns on each side of the girls head

<Seiya> What girl's head?  Eeew-- did she decapitate somebody?  I think we're dealing with the ever-rare Amazon warrior 
head-hunting scouts here, guys.  

 and each bun had a pony tail that reached down to the ground. Her outfit was white the only color the girls shared,

<Yaten> Aww.  Isn't that sweet of them to share colors.
<Seiya> Yeah, but that's the only one they share!  I guess the rest of the colors are in opposition...
<Taiki> Err... you guys feelin' ok?

 with a red bow tie on her chest

<Seiya>  And that's all?  Heh heh.  I might like this 'fic after all.
<Taiki> Pervert! >.<

 with what looked like a locket in the center,

<All>  If it looks like one, chances are it is one.

 a small blue skirt started at the bottom of the white suit ending at midthigh and red knee high boots, she also wore a blue collar.

<Seiya>  Darn.

 The girl on her right had long flowing black hair with a red skirt and neck collor, a purple bow on her chest with a red crystal in 
the middle of the bow,and a pair of red high heels.

<Yaten> And that's all?  No body suit part?  Wow, that Sailormars just keeps getting more daring every time.

 The girl on the lead's left supported the color blue even her shoulder length hair.

<Seiya>  What? 0_o the hell does that mean?  So even her hair  supports the color blue wholeheartedly. *as Ami's hair* I am a 
proud supporter of blue, the underappreciated color.

 The next girl supported the color green with a pink bow, hair tied up in a pony tail and sneaker heels.

<Yaten> Sneaker heels?  Kinda like sneaker pimps?
<Seiya> Yeah!  And she supports sneaker heels, hair tied in ponytails and, uh, colors.

 Finally in the rear was a girl supporting the color orange with long blonde hair, a red bow tied into it, a blue bow on her chest 
with an orange crystal in the center.

<Seiya> And that's all, just a little blue bow on her chest? Wow, why do I get the feeling that this is a lemon 'fic?
<Taiki>  What we have on our hands is a group of color activists.

"We are the Sailor Scouts and we will punish you on the behalf of the Moon." Called Sailor Moon, "On the Behalf of Mars"

<Taiki> No!  It's all screwed up!  Sailormoon fights on behalf of Mars?
<Seiya> No, no.  The author just doesn't seem to be aware of the advantages of using the little key with the item titled 'period' 
when writing a story.

 Sailor Mars Shouted, "On the Behalf of Mercury"

<Seiya> ....

 continued Sailor Mercury, On the Behalf of Jupiter"

<Yaten>  Nooo.  Noo.  

 Sailor Jupiter added, "And On the Behalf of Venus"

<Taiki> *holds head in hands*  It's too painful.  I can't do this anymore.

 Sailor Venus finished. "I come here to fight this thing hoping know one was around and you Scouts show up."

<Yaten> *as Sailor Venus* Yeah, quit butting in on my territory, Scouts!
(Taiki>  Verb... tense... noooo..
<Seiya>  So I guess they've been attacked by a rabid mob of girl scouts. Y'know, 'cause they just show up in the darndest places!

 I said glad to know I had allies here already, "I hope the Universe power shows up so I can help you guys."

<Yaten> Oh, believe me, you've helped enough.  It's perfectly ok by us if you die now.

 The look on their faces proved they thought I was nuts 

<All>  No kidding! >_<

but they'll find out soon that I'm telling the truth.

<Seiya> What?  What'd he ever say that needed proving?

 "Well then big guy where is the is Universe power?" asked Sailor Moon as she delivered a kick to the monster's stomach.

<Seiya>  A multi-talented woman.  She can deliver high kicks and simultaniously carry on a conversation.
<Yaten> Character abuse!  Since when does Sailormoon call strange (and mildly off-balance) males cutesy stuff like 'big guy'?
<Taiki>  Whatever this guy's smoking, I want some!

 Mars came over to help me up " Sir you should leave before you get hurt."

<Seiya> First off, Rei wouldn't be that, uh, friendly.  *as Rei*  Get your sorry butt out of here, you psych ward escapee!
<Taiki>  Punctuation... in dire need of...

 I didn't listen I just ran by her

<Seiya>  Remember:  good listening skills are vital if you want to have any allies to back you up in battle, kids.  Friends don't like 
it when you never listen and just brush past them.

 and headed straight towards the monster and yelled "Remember to tell your boss Jason Lee will have his justice for the death of his 
brother,

<Yaten>  Spike Lee!
<Taiki>  *sweatdrops*  Ugh.  That was pitiful, even for you.

 Ha-Do-Ken."

Taiki>  Like something right out of a cheesy martial arts movie... this is a nightmare.
<Seiya> Shh.  You will disturb the spirit of Ha-Do-Ken-Do-Obiwan-Keno-Be.

 A fireball came out of my hands

<Yaten> thus setting my hands on fire, a la spontanious human combustion...

 and went sailing towards the monster, it connected on the monster's chest, sending the monster back at least ten feet as it feel with 
a loud thud.

<Seiya>  Monster with power to, feel things with, loud thuds.
<Yaten> You've got no, comma control. Just, like this fic writer he does a lot of run-ons too have you noticed?  Also it needs a few 
more periods here. and. there too you. know?

A flash of light came out of the sky heading on a collision course with me.

<Taiki> *gasps*  And he dies!  The end!

 "Jason lookout!" the scouts shouted.

<Seiya> *choruses*  Bob lookout!
<Yaten> George lookout!
<Taiki> Hey... how'd they suddenly know his name?? *raises eyebrow suspiciously*

 "Its alright I know what it is and I've been waiting on it to return to me for a long time!"

<All> Yaay!
<Seiya>  I can't tell you how long I've waited for you to die!

 I shouted back. The Uni power hit me like it did the first time back in my home town of Columbus, Ohio

<All> *clap*
<Seiya> Hurray for Uni!  Depend on it to go around slapping bad 'fic writers from Ohio.

 the only thing that changed was I didn't yell in pain from the transformation. "Wow so he wasn't kidding around about that 
Universe Power thing then." 

<Seiya> Character abuse!  Sailormoon is brain dead!

said an awstruck Sailor Moon. My costume was blue which ended in a point at the top of abs with the rest of the costume being 
white.

<Yaten>  Spandex??

 "Captain Universe has returned to fight evil in his new home," I chanted 

<Taiki>  Great.  Thanks for informing us about some guy who has  nothing to do with this godawful 'fic.  Hopefully the fellow 
named Captain Universe has arrived to destroy this pitiful story.

"that is if you scouts will have me as your teammate."

<Yaten> *as Sailormoon*  I dunno... I never trust a guy in spandex.

 "Oh you bet Captain we need all the help we can get." they replied.

<Seiya> Character abuse!!  They're acting like sissies! They did perfectly fine without him BEFORE.. -.-

"Well then monster, hey where'd it go that fireball should have it long enough for me to change."

<Seiya> Whuh?  The hell...?  Oh, nevermind.
<Yaten>  The fireball's got "it."
<All> *as chorus* She's got it.... yeah, baby, she's got it... I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, your des-iiiire!
<Minako>  Don't drag me into this!!

 I said puzzled. I should have been watching the Scouts' backs as well as my own because

<Yaten>  Somebody knifed me and I died!
<Seiya> Yeah! 
<Taiki>  Ok, you can knock it off.  You've made your point. >_<

the monster took us totally by surprise with a random blast.

<All> *clap*  Is it over now?
<Yaten>  Random Cheeze Fheez Attack!! *sprays cheese string in Taiki's face*
<Taiki>  Aaiiiee!  My eyes!!  Villainous fiend! *thwaps Yaten on the head with an unusually large microbiology textbook*

 The others went down but

<Yaten> I hate that word... 

I absorbed the blast directed at me and sent it back at the beast. 

<Yaten and Seiya> .... dammit.. -_-;;

With the monster confused I rushed over & revived the Scouts telling them if we plan on getting rid of this thing this would be the 
best time to do so. 

<Taiki>  Someone make it stop!! Verb tenses too much to bear.... pick one. And STICK with it!
<Yaten> Oh, like the girls are just going to listen obediently to HIM.  He's in spandex!!  Never trust a guy in spandex....

"Ladies first." I insisted.

<Seiya>  Well, idn't he just Mister Chivalry.  Makes the girls do all his dirty work.

 "Marsss Fire Ignite!" called Mars 

<Seiya>  Sailor Mars has a lisp.  *as Mars* Marsss!
<Taiki>  Baka... --;

leading the charge, the fireball hit the monster setting its fur a blaze.

<Taiki> As opposed to freezing it?

 "Jupiter Thunder Crash!" called Jupiter a split second after Mars, now it was electriefed

<Taiki>  *facefault*  No comment.
<Seiya>  *points up* Electriefs attack!  Run away! Run away!!
<Taiki>  Huh? *looks up; gets hit in the face with a pair of electric briefs* 
<Yaten>  Ooh, they've even got little hearts and stuff on 'em.  How cute.  
*Taiki runs about screaming madly in a fight to the death with the electric undergarments*
<Seiya> Wish I had some popcorn.

 with a hot flash,

<Yaten> Yiiiee!  Monsters with hot flashes!!  Look out, it's getting ready to do its super-PMS attack again...

 "Venus Cresent Beam Smash!" continued Venus, her attack sailed into the monster's head. "Mercury Ice Bubble Freeze!" called 
Mercury, trapping the monster in a block of ice. 

<Taiki>  Huh?  That's not what her ice bubble attack does at all!  Poor Ami.  So mistreated at the hands of lousy 'fics.  *sighs*

"Moon Tiara "Sorry Sailor Moon but I have to get back in shape so he's mine."

<Seiya> Wuzzat supposed to mean?  Now her tiara's talking to her.
<Yaten>  An assertive tiara.  Uh huh. *nods*

 I interrupted.

<Taiki>  Good for you.

 "Okay Cap." she replied without an arguement.

<Taiki>  Not a cap, you dolt, it's a tiara!  Duh!
<Seiya>  Y'know, compared to Taiki I'm a pretty lousy scholar, but even I can spell 'argument'.

 "Scouts if I remember right you should all get behind me,

<Yaten>  And let the power of the Spandex protect you!
<Seiya>  No no! 'Cause it's congo line time! *gets out the maracas and shakes them for emphasis*

 this can kill you as well as this monster and I'm at 75% strength." I could get to like this team for their listening skills.

<All>  CHARACTER ABUSE!!!
<Yaten>  Since when do the inners let themselves get tossed about by some pushy dork in spandex???
<Seiya>  I dunno!  But I hope whatever happens kills HIM, too.
<all> *nod*

 "Universal Super Nova" 

<Taiki>  Ack!  Supernova's ONE word, you fool! *shakes head*

I shouted as I jumped into the air and started spinning in a 360 degree motion straight towards the monster

<Taiki>  It's a thing called a 'period'.  Learn how to use it!

 "Slash!"

<Seiya> Crash! *throws his mouse against the wall*
<Yaten> Buuuuurn! *tries to set his monitor on fire*

My whole body became a beam of light as I

<Yaten> Died! Died!

 went sailing into the monster slicing it in two and turning it to ash.

<All>  Awww.... -_-

"Well that did the job better than my tiara ever could." Sailor Moon said walking up and placing a her hand on my shoulder.

<All> CHARACTER ABUUUSE!!!!
<Yaten> Whatever happened to girl power?  He's turning this into a 'spandex-clad dude who doesn't know how to spell or punctuate 
runs the show and kicks out sailor senshi in the process' kind of thing.

 "Aw I can do betterrrrrrrrr..................." I said collasping to the ground face first. 

<All>  No, you couldn't.

"Jason are you alright?" asked Sailor Mars looking over the fallen body of Captain Universe

<Seiya>  Did you hear that? She said 'body'!  HE'S DEAD!!
<All> *clap*

 for any reason of his collaspe. He didn't answer

<Seiya> Ding dong, the fool is dead, the fool is dead, the fool is dead.  Yipee!

 "Bring him into the temple so he can rest" said a black cat as it exited the temple

<Yaten> Again with the random talking cats coming in, dictating helpful phrases and exiting. 
<Taiki>  One question:  The cat says to bring him into the temple as it is exiting the temple?  That means they were already indoors.
<All>  Oh, who cares.

"After what he went threw tonight he needs it."

<Taiki> He went and threw what? 
<Seiya>  Went threw tonight to go, who threw it to gone, which is what I wish we were.

"Alright Luna, I'll go and find that brother he was talking about" Jupiter yelled already heading out of the temple enterance.  

<Seiya>  What exactly is this implying?  Why the hell would Lita know where Obi Wan was??

 "Lita you have a one track mind." Venus said under her breath. 

<Seiya>  *as Venus* Yeah, a Spice Girls CD just keeps playing over and over eternally in her mind.  If you wanna be my lover... 
gotta get with my friends.... *slaps side of his head*  Good kamisama, I need to get out of here!  The noxious writing is affecting 
my brain... making stupid, insipid comments.... 

"Come on Mina; Serena, Ami, and I can't move him by ourselves!"

<Taiki>  AAUGH!!!  This cannot be English!  It's NOT!!

 Mars yelled in pain

<All> from being trapped in this fanfic!

 from trying to lift the new found ally in the Captain.

<All> ..oh.
<Seiya> Character abuse!  Sailormars could lift that puny spandex-clad man any day!
<Yaten>  They found an ally _in_ the captain?  Sorta like that little alien dude that lived in a human body in 'Men in Black', right?

 " Alright Raye but if you and Serena start fighting over him like you did Tuxedo Mask I hope he'll hit you with that fireball he 
used on that monster earlier." 

<Yaten>  Speaking of the caped crusader, where IS Tuxedo Mask?  Is he dead or something?
<Seiya>  He probably went on strike after reading the script for this thing. 

Mina argued coming over to help with their fallen ally.

<Taiki>  Who is Minako-chan arguing with?  Herself??
<Seiya>  Hmmm...
<Yaten> I agree with Mina.  The sooner everybody dies, the better.

 "I wonder how he can use fireballs thats Mars power right."
Ami asked in wonderment

<Taiki> *turns green* This is a slaughter of the English language.  Ami would be absolutely livid if she had to read this.. this is 
garbage!

 "Beats me but it wouldn't hurt to ask would it."

<All> It WOULD!!

 Raye replied "You can ask him when comes around Raye right now lets just get him inside.." Serena said straining from the 
capacity of this new found friend.

<Yaten> *as Moon* ..so that we may KEEL heem. Heheheh.
<Seiya> Don't we all wish. 
<Taiki>  His capacity?  Huh??  Impossible.  Capacity is not a unit of weight or mass...
 
end chapter 1

<All> YESSS!!
_____________________________________________________________ 
Author: Jason Lee (Captain Universe)

<Taiki>  FIEND!!  Let me at him!  *struggles to get out of Seiya and Yaten's grasp*

e-mail: Captain_Universe@hotmail.com 



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