As the scene opens, a vid-cam conversation between the Mad One and her unwilling subjects takes place. Pendrell, in her usual confusing way, has failed to mention that the Gundam pilots would be appearing on the Satellite of Lethargy. Usagi and pals demand an explanation. Pendrell: Well well, what brings you calling at this hour, kids? Speak your minds. Usagi: Umm, prof, who are those guys? Minako: *grumpily* Why did you send them HERE? Pendrell: You don't appreciate the company? They're my alternate review team. We're widening the horizons of the experiment.. or.. something. Mamoru: .. I think they're insane. Ami: I fear them. I fear that I will be murdered in my sleep if I so much as blink at the one in spandex. Usagi: *giggles* Aw, he looks so nice and cute, though! Makoto: *fazed* Usagi, where have you BEEN? That boy's an assassin! We'll all die! Pendrell: On that note, you'd better get ready for your next fic. Hop to, my little torturees! Mamoru: *hoarse whisper* But.. but they're in there right now... what are we supposed to do? Pendrell: *bored* Tell them it's your turn? All: *shake heads* We're scared. Pendrell: Spineless bunnies! All: *hang heads in shame* Pendrell: That's what mace was invented for! Look underneath your matresses! All: Hm? ^^; *check beneath their bed dressings to find mace canister keychains and some Advil* Pendrell: Oh, the Advil, I just tossed that in, y'know, in case of excessive fanfic-related pain. Rei: Wow. That was almost.. nice of you. Pendrell: If the rabid one tries to get you, spritz him. I'm not so dense that I haven't seen that nutty look in his eyes. He could snap at any time. All: *panic* Then why the hell did you send him up here??! AAAAHH!!! Mamoru: Are we referring to the guy in spandex or the one that thinks Americans are immoral? Minako: *squeals* BOTH! ALL! WE'RE DOOMED! Pendrell: Ah, I see we've been chatting with our new guests, eh, Mamoru? Good. Tell your little buddies that they're not SO scary after all. Mamoru: But they are. Pendrell: Aw, poopie. You guys are such wimps. Come onnn! All: *shake heads* Pendrell: Fine. No dinner for you. All: Aw..! *pout* Pendrell: *mumbles* Guess this means I'll have to add an extra theater... anyhoo, send the bravest one amongst you to boot them out of the theater. I'm about to do some renovating and I'd appreciate it if they cleared out. Mamoru: Renovating? Pendrell: .. that's none of your business. You'll see soon enough. Now SEND SOMEONE TO CLEAR OUT THE THEATER! I'M GIVING YOU AN HOUR! NO MORE! Pendrell disappeared from the screen. The crew turned and looked at each other, trying to decide who to send towards certain death. All eyes settled on Taiki. Taiki blinked. "What?" "Taiki!" They all said in unison. Taiki began to grow uneasy. "Huh? Me? But.." "Get in there!" Mamoru and the rest tossed Taiki down the hallway toward the theater door. "But I don't wanna..." whined Taiki. Everyone else motioned him on impatiently. Conceding victory, Taiki crawled down the hallway and into the door, mumbling the whole time about his unfortunate selection of friends. With trepidation Taiki crawled forward. Ahead he heard laughter in the dark, a few snide comments here and there over the background sounds of the fic. Standing now, he said a silent prayer to Princess Kakyuu and stepped into view of the five boys. Quatre immediately stood and looked closely at the visitor. "Hey! It's Taiki! What brings you into the theater? Sit down. Read with us," he offered, being his usual nice self. "Umm.. eh heh.. no, I can't, actually, I came to.." Taiki reconsidered saying anything about it as he sat, his curiousity piqued by the fanfic they were observing.. as well as the new couch in the corner of the room. He ignored the couch and queried as to the contents of the fanfic the pilots were reading. "So what's she forcing YOU to review?" he asked, peering curiously at the fic onscreen. Duo offered him some popcorn as Trowa, Heero and Wufei sat stoically, boring holes through him with their eyes. "Something about being lost and found, that's what the prof said," Duo commented, mildly slapping Heero's shoulder as he spoke. "Stop trying to scare the nerd, okay? Give the poor guy a chance. Even though he's from a show like Sailormoon.." At this remark the five boys laughed icily, causing Taiki to cower in his seat in fear for his life. "Relax, man, we're not gonna eat you," smirked Duo, patting Taiki on the shoulder. THey all paused to consider the underlying meanings of what Duo had said, and, after reading all that yaoi business, they'd had enough dirty double meanings. Duo was thusly showered with various snacks and some JujyFruits from Heero's direction. "Heh heh, sorry, didn't realize.." he offered weakly, sitting back down next to Heero and Taiki. "Set fer a while, review with us, my good fellow, won't you? We'll have a merry time," grinned the manic Duo as the next fic slowly came into focus. Taiki barely had time to nod before they were knee-deep in fanfic muck.
Lost and Found
Author's intro: This is dolphin <Heero> -- calling Blue Cheese, I am about to write an extremely crappy fanfic, over. I haven't seen much GW <All> Oh dear. <Taiki> This is not a good thing, is it? <Heero> It's never a good thing. most of my info comes from fanfic's <All> Oh.. NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <Duo> I can see it now: "Heero, ai shiteru...!" and then, Duo explode! and web pages. This is probably an alternate so forgive any OOC or plot goofs. <All> The hell we will, you bastard. <Taiki> Right on. This is my first fanfic so <All> *mad screaming ensues* I hope its alright. <Duo> *whispers, his voice growing to a restrained yelp* Don't make me the uke don't MAKE ME THE UKE... <Quatre> I bet they don't even know what an uke is yet, Duo. Relax, willya! The story will contain Yaoi <Duo> *bawls* I DON'T WANNA BE THE UKE!! <Quatre> There there, maybe.. maybe it'll be me! ^^; <All> *stare*... <Heero> It's always you. Since when could anyone in their right mind make Trowa an uke, weepy victim? <Quatre> Look, I can always hope, can't I? if you don't like Yaoi don't read it. <All> Or just don't read it, how about. Oh and I don't own the characters of GW, I'm just manipulating them <Wufei> >< Argh!! in the universe I command I control <All> All-consuming, all-controlling... Wahahahaha. <All> Christ. 0_0 Eep! <Quatre> •John Cleese• No no, so sorry, that would be 'Neep'. Sorry I do however own Jade <Taiki> Sell jewelry, make lots of money, and it really really works. and Rose and stuff so email me with your comments, questions, helpful hints <All> ..death threats, promises of pain in the near future!.. <Wufei> Helpful hint: Start running now. etc. No flames please <Wufei> Well, my my, Mr. Fancypants, isn't it a bit affable to assume that we won't HATE your story? <All> Fancypants? <Wufei> Nevermind it. now on to the story. <Quatre> Yipeeee! <Taiki> GodDAMN, I am prepared for a grammar-maiming fiesta. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Duo winced <Duo> Damn, stuck in another yaoi fic! Gotta pay attention to where I'm going next time. his head felt like it was trying to split open <Heero> It's trying to do you a favor, you poor sap. Let it put you out of your misery. not to mention that <Taiki> his entire first sentence was in actuality nothing but a nonsensical runon! every part of him hurt. <All> Accept the pain. As he stumbled around the city it occurred to him that self destructing probably wasn't the best idea he had ever had. <Taiki> *blinks* Well, considering that self-destruction in and of itself usually involves the self being destructed, how is it that he's still alive? <Heero> Technically Duo wouldn't have survived a self-destruct. Only I would, for I defy the laws of physics. <Duo> Aw, let it lie, ok, guys? Just let me delude myself into thinking I could pull off a Heero tactic and live, alright? >< Now he was tired, hungry, <Duo> ..and waiting for that no-good bastard Heero Yuy to pick him up from baseball practice.. lost <Trowa> •Duo• What's this... waitaminute.. I'm in Tokyo-3? <All> Nnnoooooo! Not an Evangelion/GW crossover! and he hurt like hell, but at least Oz hadn't gotten him or his Gundam. <Heero> No, sounds like he got his OWN Gundam pretty good. I have got to get to some kind of shelter, thought Duo to himself. <All> I have to get away from this thing and get to an open area to get some help and if I can't find help I'll have to fight this thing by myself. <Taiki> Horrible.. memories.. >< Just then a shadow flitted by the edges of his vision. <Duo> *cough* Whoa, man, I'm seeing some pretty far out stuff here, dude... "Shit!" <All> Kuso! Shimatta! <Duo> Ai shiteru yo, Heero..! *clunk* <All> *observe Duo fall to the ground, gasping and writhing, performing his weepy death scene so typical of yaoi fics* Swore Duo silently, <Taiki> Sounds like he said it out loud to me. <All> •guards• A-ha! There he is, cursing behind that patch of shrubberies! Oz must have found me. Duo ducked into a corner and began looking for a weapon. <Trowa> Hmm, a piece of lint, a grenade, a Hello Kitty clock.. what would MacGuyver do? Damn, thought Duo, there's nothing here I can use. <All> Use the Hello Kitty clock, you idiot! Two soldiers came by and stopped where Duo was hiding. He crouched further in his hiding place <Quatre> •Duo• Maybe if I stop breathing they won't see me. and decided to listen to their conversation <Trowa> •Guard One• -- so I was totally against wearing the green one, you know-- <Duo> •Guard Two• I know, I can SO see you in pink! It is just SO your color! to see how much they knew. <Heero> Which was apparently not that much, if they didn't see him hiding back there. "... that rebel piolet who self destructed? " <Taiki> •Guard Two• Yes, sir, we DID dress him up real pretty and send him to Mister Trieze for his birthday. "No some blonde." <Wufei> A very SEXY blonde. <Duo> Why send a blonde? Everybody knows Trieze prefers short Chinese guys in white Mao suits. <Wufei> I'll let that be your one comment of grace. Next time, however, I shall not be so tolerant of your idiocy. Oh god! thought Duo, do they mean Quatre? <Wufei> I guess we can assume it's not a SEXY blonde, then. <Trowa> No, they're talking about the OTHER blonde Gundam pilot. <Taiki> Zechs? I need more info on this. Duo remain crouched to hear the rest of the conversation. <Trowa> •Guard One• OH. MY. GOD. Becky, look at her butt. It is.. so.. BIG. <Duo> •Guard Two• She's probably one of those.. rap guys' girlfriends or something. "I hear the chick got away from Treize." <Quatre> She got antsy and split after he asked her to put on a white Mao suit and call him an inferior woman. "All this for one girl?" "Yeah, weird huh she is supposed to have some vital information or something," <Duo> She KNOWS the secret ingredient in Bush's Baked Beans! <All> Relena? ... naaaah. "Yeah or something. <All> Really. Totally, man. <Taiki> How about NO and nothing? You wanna get a beer?" <All> Is Asuka a bitch? <Quatre> Hey, she's not ALL bad.. <Duo> Ok then. Is this fanfic stupid? <All> That works a LOT better. "Sure." The two soldiers left and Duo crept out of his corner into the shadows of the night, <Duo> I am the terror that self-destructs in the night! <Heero> He IS... <Quatre> --Batman? <Duo> NO! Shinigami, dammit! all the while thinking that he had to get to Heero <All> To get your groove on! <Duo> NO! and the others <All> Fivesome! <Duo> AAAHH!! >< and how they needed to get this girl <All> .. sixsome? before Oz did. <Quatre> Two million, six hundred and ninty-threedome! <Heero> The hell? <Quatre> Just counting every member of OZ into the formula, that's all. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ <Duo> And tonight's abrupt scene change is brought to you by.. Trowa! <Trowa> .... The atmosphere in the Winner residence was sombre and still. <Trowa> *dusky* Welcome to the House of Usher... The Gundam pilots were all here <All> *look at each other* <Taiki> You know, you're absolutely right. after successful completion of their last mission, but all thought the price of this had been too high. <All> What? Paying 799 dollars for a toaster?? <Trowa> *to Quatre* What are you, mad?! <Quatre> *sob* But the salesman seemed so NICE...! Quatre thought mournfully of the last minutes of the battle that were still running through his head. <Heero> *sullenly* Flashback time? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ <Duo> The above is Trowa's opinion on his relationship with Quatre. <Trowa> -_-; .... They were all battling after the data was retrieved from the base. Heero and Trowa were <All> Here it coooomes! *duck* escaping the base on foot. <Duo> Damn..! Sooner or later, author.. sooner or later... the lemon will show itself. Wufei, Duo and Himself <All> .. God? had been creating a distraction for their escape. The battle was going well when suddenly two more Oz battalions appeared there were just too many for the three who were already battered and running out of ammo. <Taiki> Typical yaoi Gundam Wing fanfic plot device. *points to the above sentence* <Trowa> I'll simplify this paragraph: Duo's gonna die. Then Shinigami was cornered and they both heard Duo's voice over the intercom telling them to move back. Before they had time to question what they had done, <Wufei> Umm.. what HAD they done? They didn't move.. Shinigami exploded incinerating the Oz suits and setting off the explosives that destroyed the base. <All> *bored* With complete disreguard for plausibility and punctuation. His last words still crackling over the intercom "I'm so sorry..." <Trowa> Simplified: Duo dies and he's sorry. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ <Duo> What Trowa's pulse rate looks like. <Heero> Really striving for it, aren't you? <Duo> Yeah.. there are only so many scene change jokes you can make involving Trowa. Quatre knelt and wept. 'Yes the price had been too high indeed.' A warm hand clasped the desert princes <Quatre> And they were squished like tiny seedless grapes in the hand of god! <Heero> Nice biblical allusion there. shoulder and Quatre immediately recognized Trowa's strong long boned fingers. <Quatre> Yet the question remains, why are they sitting there on the floor? "It's not your fault," Trowa said, "you know Duo would hate to see you sad." <All> He'd rather see you in a tutu. <Duo> Stop that!! >< "I know Trowa, but is just so hard. It hurts so much. <Quatre> Be gentler next time, would you? <All> Ewww! We were so close Duo and I," replied Quatre his voice still laden with unshed tears. <Heero> So much to say to that, and yet... <Duo> Don't dignify it with a response. Trowa mused that at one time before his relationship with Quatre blossomed, <All> *sickly* --blossomed into.. something more... something violently beautiful... <Wufei> Either that or just plain violent. he had been jealous of Duo, <Trowa> 'Cuz he's such a snazzy guy and all that. but he understood now that Quatre and Duo's relationship was more like the bond between brothers. <Duo> And it was NEVER anything more. <Heero> Good! <All> Huh? *stare at Heero* <Heero> Look at me like that again and I'll kill you. <All> 0.0;; Now that bond has been broken, thought Trowa sadly. <Trowa> That's sort of understating things a bit, wouldn't you say? Trowa embraced Quatre. <Trowa> *SQUISH* Oops, I am so sorry! I did not mean to crush you between my two pecs of melon-like proportion! "I know he didn't want to hurt you <Duo> He just wanted to KILL you, that's all. *rubs palms together, malevolent-style* <Quatre> *blinks nervously* I think that's what he meant by his last message." Quatre sighed. "I guess your right .... <All> .. is to show that bod off in a skimpy clown suit! <Trowa> ><; I think I just need time *sigh* <All> *shocked* Hey..! <Quatre> No fair inserting a sigh between asterisks like that! lets go to bed Trowa <Trowa> Mwahahahah! *loses temporary hold of his sanity* <Wufei> *goes into a state of suspended animation like that from the series* <Duo> That guy's STILL amazing. He's got the mad denial skills. I'm feeling so weary." <Duo> I am the terror that becomes impotent in the middle of yaoi sex in the night! <Quatre> Aw! Come on, Duo! >< Trowa put his arm around Quatre's shoulder and led him to their shared room <Trowa> -- but with separate beds, mind you. <Taiki> Of course. but even as they retired, <Trowa> Ahh, I'm too old for this.. screw piloting a Gundam. I'm going to go live in a retirement community in Tokyo-3 with the rest of the over-14 Eva pilots. <Quatre> Sooner or later they're going to start hiring eight year olds to pilot mechas. THEN we'll retire. a pair of cobalt eyes looked up at the clouded moon <Duo> I am the terror that blinks in the night! <Quatre> Now stop that! and a steely voice softened by sadness whispered. <All> Where? Huh? Who?? <Heero> It's me. I think. <All> Prepare for OOC-sappy Heero scene. "Duo where are you? <Duo> *slyly* I'm underneath you. <All> -_-; <Duo> *innocently* What? I know your still out there somewhere I can still feel you alive out there." <Quatre> •Heero• And if you were here I'd be feeling more than that. <Duo> Quatre! -_- Then the figure cleared his throat emitted a "Hn" <All> *scoffing* Of course that's not Heero Yuy. <Duo> I am the terror that goes "Hn!" in the night! and stalked into the house. <Duo> Hey, stalking is Relena's job. <Heero> *bops Duo upside the head with a couch cushion* Then down from the sky a violet blossom fell <Heero> --killing him instantly, the end. and settled in the place where the prefect soldier <All> ... <Heero> Well, a definite improvement over the Perfect Soldier if you ask me. <Duo> •Prefect Soldier• I am perfect soldier with cobalt eyes come from Okayama prefect am going to kill you in your sleep. had stood. <All> *sing* I'm gonna.. stand my ground.. and I won't back down... no, I won't back down... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ <Duo> Call a medic! I'm getting flatline here! <Heero> That wasn't so bad. <Duo> Yeah, but I had to leave out the Trowa reference... it could've been better. At the same time in a dark corner of a dark city, a young man lay in the street his body bleeding from the damage inflicted on him. He clutched a pendant <Taiki> .. Captain Universe? *frightened* in one hand the thing his attackers wanted <All> Ah, his sword. <Wufei> Note the phallic symbolism. <Taiki> Oh no. Are we getting Freudian again? and the thing he risked his life to protect. The boy opened his hand and looked at the small piece of rose quartz on the thin chain. They had no idea what they were trying to take. <All> Your virginity, you daft boy. To them it's just money, to me it's my past and future. <Duo> I LIVE FOR MONEY! <All> *stare at Duo* <Duo> *sourly* What? He shook his head to clear his thoughts. <Trowa> And unfortunately they all dripped out his left ear. <Quatre> •young man• Oops.. there go all my thoughts again.. gotta remember not to shake my head so hard next time. He sat up but this simple movement sent ripples of agony throughout his body. <Heero> Soothing ripples of pain, if that's at all possible. Suddenly a noise further down the alley alerted him. He stood up and his entire body shook with spasms of pain. <Duo> Play that funky music, white boy. Get down, get down. Jungle boogey. *snaps* I can dig the man's dance. <Heero> Shut the hell up, you braided fruit. <Duo> *CLUNK* Ai shiteru, Heero...! *writhes, and with one final gasp for air, dies.* <Heero> *monotone* What have I done? I never meant to kill him. I loved him madly. Then with nothing but a blurring of the shadows a body flew out of the darkness <All> WHOA! HEY! *duck* <Wufei> Watch where you throw those things! and crashed into him. <Duo> .. CLUNK! <Heero> *looks down* You're still alive? <Duo> Great actors never die! The boy looked down and sprawled across him was another boy a very beautiful boy <All> -- a gorgeously handsome boy, a stunningly lovely boy, a gloriously sexy boy! <Duo> -- who bled all over him in such a come-hither way! with long chestnut hair. The boy as damaged as he was <Heero> •clerk• The mental goods are damaged, sir. Want me to ship them back to Taiwan? lifted the chestnut haired beauty into his arms <Quatre> Hear that, Duo? You've just been upgraded to a beauty. <Duo> *flatly* Oh, gads, hurray. and stumbled off to find shelter ------------------------------------------------------------------------ <Duo> -- shelter on the other side of the wire fence. <Quatre> This side? <Heero> Yeah. Duo still hasn't lost his touch yet. When Duo awoke he was in unfamiliar surroundings. He lay in a bed in what seemed to be a hotel room. <Taiki> Just then Trieze entered in a pink bathrobe, cigar in hand, and said, "so, was it good for you too?" Then he noticed the water running in what must be the bathroom. He looked down and noted he was still fully dressed, much to his immediate relief. <Trowa> Usually he'd wake up and Heero would be standing there with his clothes, taunting him. <Duo> Dammit, Trowa! >< He reached for his gun <All> *point* Note phallic symbolism. before he remembered he didn't have it. <Duo> Who took it? How dare they remove my.. gun. Shit! thought Duo. <All> Shimatta! I lost it when I self destructed. <Duo> Heero.. ai shiteru..! *weep* <Heero> Cut that out. Damn!. The water in the bathroom stopped and Duo knew his only chance was to surprise the enemy, so he hid behind the partially open bathroom door. <Duo> .. then he jump out and EXPLODE! KABLOOSH! How dare you try to rape the Great Destroyer! <All> *stare at Duo* <Duo> *sourly* What? Leave me alone. Then a figure walked out. He sprang from his place <All> *sing* Shinigamiman, he flies like a moron... and crashed into the other body. <All> Bodies, bodies, everywhere, look at them flying through the air... They both went down with a thump <Duo> .. clunk? the other body struggled for a moment then went still. <Duo> *grunt* So was it good for you? <Heero> ... -- The body under him trembled and a soft voice saidm "Just make it quick." <Wufei> Oh. So that's what he wants. <Duo> Doesn't everybody in a yaoi fic? Duo looked down at the body underneath him. It was a boy, <All> -- a beautiful boy, a gorgeously-- <Duo> Stop it! Stop it now! >< he looked about 17. He had dirty blonde hair which fell to his mid back <Heero> .. Little Zechs? <All> Naaah... and his eyes were squeezed shut. <Heero> The illegitimate child of Wufei and Zechs? <Wufei> Entirely possible with this storyline. His frame was slightly larger than Duo's own. <Quatre> Guess who the seme will be in this scene. <Duo> Damn! *snaps in frustration* And I almost got away without being molested this time, too! His body from what Duo could see, was badly beaten. <Duo> •fic self• Umm, so... I see you've met Heero... His torso lay dotted with the purple blossoms of bruises <Taiki> ..halfway across the room. As for his head and feet, they were in the icebox. <Trowa> You're certainly gruesome for someone from a show like Sailormoon... and he had some nasty open cuts. Duo also noticed some scars from previous injuries. <Quatre> Have a habit of playing with blenders when you were younger, by any chance? Duo lifted himself off the body <Heero> -- however reluctantly. <Duo> I thought you were on MY side. *pouts* and that's when he saw the cuts and bruises on the thighs <Heero> So.. the dude is nude? <All> It's yaoi. What do you expect? and the welts on the wrists and ankles. Duo lowered his eyes <Quatre> •Duo• Juuust taking in the scenery, surveying my new boy toy and whatnot! <Duo> You're lucky you're such a nice guy, otherwise I would be beating you senseless right now. and shook his head he knew what these were signs of. <All> YuySign. No one lives on the street long without seeing it or experiencing it. <Wufei> This is implying that everyone out on the street gets raped by OZ soldiers? <Trowa> *snort* No, usually that's just Duo. The boy still didn't move not that Duo expected him to. The prime rule is the less you struggle the less it hurts. <Duo> Sez you. Don't give up without a fight, I say. <Heero> You never seem to put up much of a fight.. *blinks* <All> Huh?? 0_0 <Heero> Uh.. purely speaking in terms of doujinshi situations, that is.. *coughs* <Wufei> Sure. <Heero> Shi ne. *pulls a pistol out of his spandex and shoots Wufei in the foot* <Wufei> ACK!! *quickly grabs Quatre's vest and wraps his foot with it* Damn you and your touchy personality, Yuy! <Duo> *nervous grin* ^^; <Quatre> *disappointed* .. That was my favorite purple vest. <Duo> You have at least 40 of 'em, I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. <Quatre> How would you like it if somebody stole your pants? <All> *stare at Quatre* .. <Duo> Not that much, Quatre, my man. 0_o <Trowa> He wouldn't mind quite so much if it were Heero doing the stealing, though. <Duo> TROWA!! >.< Duo sighed, walked over to the bed retrieved the blanket and dropped it on the boy. <Duo> There. My work is done here. The boy opened his eyes shocked and looked down at the blanket covering him. <Quatre> •blondie• You mean... you DON'T want my sexy body? He stared at Duo in amazement. <Trowa> Have I ever told you.. you AMAZE me? *bats eyes* Sheepishly Duo rubbed the back of his head. <Duo> Baaa, kid. "Sorry," he started, "I thought you were an enemy." The other boy didn't say anything but he did wrap himself <Trowa> -- around the unsuspecting Duo.. <Duo> >< in the blanket and nodded, and Duo knew this was a good sign. <Duo> How and why he knew it was a good sign, however, remains to be seen. Now to find out who he is and why he helped me, thought Duo. He cleared his throat "So what's your name?" he questioned. <Taiki> *squeaky* Back home they call me Sweetcheeks. <Trowa> Could be WuZechs. The boy looked wary for a moment his posture stiffening slightly <All> Thank god they said posture. then replied, "Its Jade." <Heero> Think he'll be gay? <All> Is Shinji a wuss? <Quatre> Come on, Shinji's not a wuss, he's just... bravery-challenged. <All> Fine. Is Relena an annoying bitch? <Heero> ... hn. <Duo> Come on, Heero, stop defending her already. She sucks. <Heero> Oh, alright. I disavow any relation to Relena, and may she roast forever in the fiery pits of hell. <Duo> Yeah! =^_^= *hugs Heero joyously* *WHAP* <Heero> Hands off. <Quatre> •Heero/Asuka hybrid• You dare touch the mighty Heero Yuy in such a way? WHAPPITYWHAP! <All> Whappitywhap? -_- "Jade huh," said Duo. <Duo> That's nice. Now let's get to it. *mimes throwing off clothes* <Taiki> Buy jewelry wholesale, sell it at exorbitant price, make lots of quick cash and it really really works. <All> We know. Enough already. Then he smiled held out his hand and said, "Hi my name's Duo, Duo Maxwell." <Trowa> And immediately thereafter they fell to the floor and made mad, passionate love. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ <Taiki> And this line shows how much we care. <Duo> Steal my scene change comment, why don't you. <Taiki> Oh, by all means, if you can do better, give it a whack. <Duo> Okay. I could do that, or I could try to come up with a better scene change joke.. <Heero> Please ignore this stupid, stupid pervert. He really doesn't represent all that the family-oriented, non-yaoi Gundam Wing institution has come to stand for. We only let him join up with us because no other show would take him. Really! <Duo> And that's the standard disclaimer you'll find on any Duo Maxwell merchandise. Wufei sat on the floor of his room in the Winner estate. <Heero> •Wufei• Ah... I become one with the dustbunnies underneath my bed... <Duo> •Wufei• This dirty floor holds a metaphor: onna are inferior beings. <Wufei> ... -_- He was meditating <Wufei> Breakfast pastries... breakfast pastries... <All> Ommmm... *sway to and fro* or trying to, but every time he tried to relax he found himself angry. <Trowa> •Wufei• I'm just.. I'm just so PISSED OFF! Why the HELL am I so PISSED OFF?! GADDAMN! ..what? You dare look upon me in my rageful state, onna? *takes off his shoe and throws it at Duo* <Duo> Incoming. *CLUNK* What could be making me so mad if I'm ever to relax I'll have to find out, thought Wufei. <Taiki> --losing what little sense of English grammar he'd had before.. <Duo> Ow... *rubs head ungratefully* Duo? No I'm not mad at Duo. <Wufei> He's dead, and being mad at a dead guy would just be silly. All I feel is sadness at his loss. <Duo> He really did love me. I _know_ he did. <Quatre> Even if he did throw shoes at you from time to time. That was just his way of expressing his love. I'll miss his ability to smile <Wufei> -- since no other character in Gundam Wing has that ability. even when things are grim but still become serious when needed. <All> Come again? <Duo> Save it for the lemon scenes. He's so much like Meiran in that way. <Duo> Umm.. sure.. link me in an otherwise completely unrelated way to your dead wife. I'm perfectly comfortable with that. Much to his irritation, Wufei found <Duo> -- that most of the Gundam Wing fanbase really doesn't give a crap about what he thinks. tears running down his face. <Wufei> Now my cheeks itch and I'm too manly to scratch them. He wiped them away angrily and berated himself for crying them, <All> Instead of pissing them or something similar. <Heero> ... we're freaks. after all Meiran's been gone a year now and there's no use crying over something so unimportant. <All> You can always buy a new jug of milk at the 711. <Heero> Or a new mail-order bride from China. <Wufei> Silence!! >< Not a word more! Wufei shook his head and continued his previous line of thought. <All> •Wufei• Umm... where was I..? Oh yeah... breakfast pastries... angry breakfast pastries... <Duo> •Thong• Ah, no sir, you were at the part where you were angry and you _wanted_ a breakfast pastry... I theenk. <Heero> Shut up and go catch some fish, Dong. <Duo> •Thong• Ah, that's 'Thong,' sir.. and might I add, hai-KEEBAH! *thunks his head against Heero's; much clunking ensues* Myself perhaps? <All> *pondersome* Am I me? Or might I be somebody else? <Duo> •Wufei• I wish I were special.. No! Although I am annoyed at myself. <All> And who WOULDN'T be if they were you! <Wufei> .. filthy, inferior beings. I couldn't do anything more to help him. It's not the same thing as the burning hatred I feel. <Duo> *singing* They got one thing in common.. they got the fire down belooooww... <Heero> Couldn't you have come up with a more relevant fire-themed song..? <Duo> Believe me, that one fits any yaoi story best. <Quatre> But what about OUR song? Knights of Fire? <All> Standard disclaimer: listed as Gundam Wing song on Napster. <Quatre> Commence goofiness! <All> Flyyy to meee, get ready for the KNIGHTS OF FIRE! (refrain, refrain, refrain) You are the knights of FIRE! Etcetera. <Heero> Why do I feel so dirty? <Duo> *giggles* <Heero> *punches Duo's arm* <Duo> Hey, don't get so raunchy, Heero. <Heero> I AM NOT RAUNCHY! <Taiki> •Heero• How DARE you, mere mortal?! Face the fury that is the-- <Duo> --terror that goes "Hn!" in the night. <Trowa> Somehow, that just kills the fear that I should be feeling. <Pendrell> Hey, you guys mentioned Knights of Fire. <duo> *shrug* So? What's it matter? <Pendrell> SO, that means I need to put it on the webpage. Words cannot express the horror that is Knights of Fire. The world must hear this evil song. I'm off to find my mp3s... Ta ta. <All> ... Oz the name <Taiki>--destruction and carnage on a wide-reaching scale's our game. <Trowa> Oz: The Wizard, The Land Where The Really Short People Sing and Dance. <Quatre> Just come out and say it: midgets. <Trowa> No. I fear that they will murder me in my sleep if I so much as say the word. <Duo> What's this topic of discussion, guys, psychotic oompaloompas? Come on. Snap out of it. came screaming into his head <All> *yell* WUFEI IS A MORON! <Quatre> WUFEI HAS A FAT HEAD! <Duo> WUFEI SMELLS OF ELDERBERRIES! <Taiki> WUFEI HAS THE HOTS FOR TRIEZE! <Wufei> Alright. That's it, you WUSSY ONNA--!!! *commences strangling Taiki* but more specifically the glorious leader of Oz. <All> Da Wiz hisself! Treize. <Trowa> Oh, okay, that works too. <All> *insistently* Da Wiz! At the mere thought of the man hot coils of anger and hatred burned within him. <Trowa> Wufei is a giant slinky? <Duo> Thank heavens they said 'anger and hatred'. <Quatre> If this were a REALLY yaoi fic, it'd be 'hot coils of passion and lust'...^^ <Wufei> You disgust me, twerpy. Wufei stood. <All> *drumroll* Dununununuh! What will the Wu-man do now? <Quatre> Fly like a moron? <Trowa> Have you ever noticed that even the way Wufei stands is idiotic? He knew what he must do. <Wufei> I must bake a batch of muffins and sing a song of Britney Spears! Then I must perform a Dance of Joy while reciting the entire Magna Carta from memory! "I will fight Treize once more and this time I will be victor, for all of them!" <All> Aw.. for us? How _sweet_ of you, Wufei. *all turn and hug Wufei, much to his disgust* <Wufei> GET OFF ME!! Aah! Aah!! <All> Awwwww! *squeeze into a tight little ball around him* <Wufei> Can't.. breathe... hckk.. 0_o <Duo> ..clunk? <Wufei> *passes out as all step to the side in order to keep from hindering his fall* *CLUNK* <Duo> Yes! Having said this Wufei took his sword and departed swiftly and stealthily into the night <Duo> I am the terror that cries "onna!" in the night! the only thing marking his movement were the curtains as they blew through the now open window into the cool night air. <Duo> I am the terror that assassinates Trieze stealthily and ninja-like in the night! <Taiki> And now you may take a breath, fanfic author. Now relax. You've earned it. <Heero> It has not. It deserves a severe beating from every decent yaoi fan who's ever written a worthwhile fanfic. <Duo> Is there even such a thing as a 'worthwhile yaoi fanfic'? <Wufei> *accusatory* You'd know, wouldn't you. <Duo> C'mere, Fei. *headlocks Wufei and proceeds to noogie him mercilessly* <Quatre> Careful or you might pop his overly-enlarged head, Duo.
"I am the terror that goes 'Hn!' in the night!"
